Meet Nari!
by in-spur-ay-shun
Summary: Poor Kakashi. What did he ever do to deserve babysitting Iruka's hyper teenage sister while he was away on a mission? Oh yeah, he just happened to be the only one available. No pairings yet just craziness and lots of cheese. LOTS of cheese.
1. Chapter 1

Sup peoples. I thought up this one a couple days ago and what do you know? I'm submitting it. FYI, this is my first ever fanfic. I welcome constructive criticism, but flamers be warned: you will be incinerated by the very inch of your life if you dare try to bash my characters or me. K? On with everything else. Oh, and also, first reviewer gets thrown into my next chappie somehow! (Hold on, is that a reward or a threat?)

Disclaimer: sobs…I WISH I owned Naruto, but those mean lawyer peoples won't let me. I do, however, own Nari and Tosame.

Relationships: None so far, but I'm working on it.

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It was a moist, foggy morning in the heart of the forest surrounding Konohakure. A mysterious figure walked almost silently through the trees. When I say almost, I mean to say it sounded as if a herd of angry, homicidal orangutans were attacking a rather large, constipated rhinoceros. But enough about the author's misuse of adjectives. The man carried two large suitcases and wore a tattered brown cloak. Another person, a teenage girl to be specific, accompanied the mysterious figure. That very same girl was the source of the noise and the source of the cloaked figure's headache.

"So when are we gonna get to the village, huh? Huh? Do they have lots of shops in the village? Where am I going to stay? Do you live in the village? Is your house an apartment or a house house 'cause…" Most bodyguards would have gone into a nervous breakdown by then, but it just so happened that this bodyguard new his client well. "Nari, you have to be quiet now. We're approaching the village gates. We want to keep a low profile until we reach your brother's house, okay?" the man in a tired tone.

"Don't worry," Nari said in a semi-whisper, "I'll be so quiet it'll be like I'm invisible or something. I've always wanted to have the power to be invisible! And if I'm really really quiet then it'll be just like I'm invisible only people can see me!" The man sighed. Why was he the lucky person to escort her to Konoha? Why couldn't someone else take this girl? The little voice in the back of his head reminded him that he knew his charge's brother, and that was whom he was delivering her to.

"WOW!" Nari shouted, completely forgetting to keep her voice down, "THAT IS ONE BIG GATE!" This signaled the bodyguard to come back to reality and make sure the girl got to her new home safely. "Isn't that a HUGE gate Tosame? Isn't it? Isn't it?" "Yeah, I guess it's pretty big." He replied. The guard asked for their names and business in the village in an almost robotic manner. Tosame simply walked up to him and whispered something in his ear. The guard nodded and glanced at the girl before saying, "You may pass."

The gates swung open, letting the two travelers in. "Wow, this place is really cool! Do you live in this village? What village are you from? You still didn't answer my question earlier about the shops. Do they have any good shops around here?" "I wouldn't know. I haven't been here in a while." Her companion replied. As Nari continued to babble on about something or another, Tosame led her through Konoha's bustling streets until he came upon an apartment building that caught his eye. "This way." He said as he steered a still talking Nari into the elevator.

Once the elevator halted and they got out, Tosame grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the door marked 287. "Ooh! Ooh! Can I ring the doorbell pretty please? I love to ring doorbells! Doorbells are so fun to ring can I ring it pretty PLEASE?" He sighed, but before he could say anything the door opened. "Can I help you?" asked a man with soft brown hair and a scar on his nose. "Iruka!" The girl yelped. Instantly she glomped onto her brother. "N-nari?" he asked, slightly unbelieving that his fourteen year-old sister was right in front of his very eyes. "I thought I'd never see you again big brother!" She began to cry while Iruka shot her escort an inquisitive look. (A/N If you stop that last sentence after escort, you get the idea how Iruka feels right now.) "Well, I'm off." Tosame said, turning around.

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Was that any good? To those who thought so, good for you, cause it's only getting better from there when Iruka has to go off on a long term mission and can't take care of Nari. Who's the lucky—unlucky, what's the difference?-- person who gets to watch her? Find out next chapter! (Which I'm planning on releasing tomorrow or the next day, whenever I get around to it.)


	2. Chapter 2

As promised, I was able to get this chapter in ASAP. I'm actually pretty good about being on time for stuff, unlike someone… Somewhere far away Kakashi suddenly feels the urge to hurt someone, though he has no idea why… Anyways, thanks to my first reviewer, shinigamilenne! I feel so special, and you should too cuz you're going to be added into this chappie somehow!

Chapter 2

"Good morning, Iruka," the Third Hokage greeted the chunin warmly, "I assume you'll want to know why I summoned you so early." "Yes," Iruka replied, "But can we please make this quick, I'm very busy and—" "You need to run some errands?" he asked. The teacher fidgeted a little bit and said, "Well, uh, it's more for the sake of any valuables I may have accidentally left in plain view."

Meanwhile….

"Ooh! This is shiny! I wonder what happens if I—Whoops!" CRASH! "Oh, that's what happens…"

Back to Iruka…

"I have to what?" The third sighed and explained, "You're the only one eligible for this mission. You'll be gone for a few days, but I'm sure that's no problem for—" "BIG problem! BIG problem!" Iruka was about to go into hysteria. His sister, alone in his apartment. He could picture it now:

"_Ooh! This is shiny! I wonder what happens if I—Whoops!" CRASH! "Oh, that's what happens…"_

"I can't go on this mission! My little sister is at my house and I just can't leave her alone!" "Hmm…" the old man fell into deep thought. "Well, you are definitely the best candidate for this assignment… so why don't we get your sister a babysitter?" "Uh, well, this babysitter in question is hopefully experienced…" Iruka was still not totally convinced that anyone, including him, could handle Nari. "Don't worry Iruka, I'll get the most experienced babysitter I can for this job. You should probably leave for mission straight away, as soon as you're packed." "Yes sir." He bowed respectfully to his superior before leaving the room.

"Is this the best you could find me?" The Third demanded to the messenger he sent. "Yes sir, all the other jounins are away on missions." "But Hatake Kakashi? Are you sure there's no one else available?" The man nodded sincerely. The old man sighed, and after a brief pause mumbled, "Go get him." That being said, the messenger ran off to find Konoha's famed Copy Ninja.

"Iruka! Where are you going with that big bag? Where are you going, huh? Huh?" Iruka was about to leave when his sister came running up to him. "Are we going camping? I love camping! We can roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories and—" "Nari, we're not going camping," her older brother said, "I'm going away for a little while. You stay in the house and wait for someone who's coming to watch you, okay?" Iruka took care not to use the word 'babysitter' in his sentence; he'd never hear the end of it if he had. "I'm not going camping with you?" Nari's eyes began to water, "Are you still mad about that glass thingy I accidentally dropped by mistake?" Iruka sighed. _Oh for the love of shinigamilenne._ (A/N See? See? I did it! Muahahaha!)

"Kakashi, you do realize why you've been summoned here, do you not?" "Uh, no not really." The silver-haired man replied in his usual bored tone. The Third continued, "I have a very important assignment for you, one that you may not come back form unscathed." This got Kakashi's attention. "You are hereby assigned to… baby-sit Iruka's little sister."

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Yay! My second Chapter done! Sorry it was really short, but I just couldn't resist leaving a cliff on that last line! As for the next chapter, we'll see just how long Kakashi is able to keep sane at the hands of Nari. Wait, was Kakashi sane to begin with? (Once again, somewhere out there our fave Copy Nin has a horrible urge to hurt someone.) Cheers!


	3. Water Guns and Strawberry Smoothies

Hi again. I can't believe I've actually been on time with these chapters, cuz usually I'm very bad about deadlines… Oh well, might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Here's a few responses to recent reviews:

**Gynosphinx-sama**: Thx! I was going for really annoying, and I'm glad people appreciate it! If I had someone like her around, I'd probably kill Nari too, but seeing as without her I can't torture… I mean… teach Kakashi a life lesson; I sadly have to keep her alive.

**Caseygirls**: Glad you like it! Wait, you said you didn't like it, you loved it. But how can you love something without liking it? Shouldn't you get to know it before you just decide you love it? I mean, if you take thigs to fast with it, it might take things the wrong way and… what was I talking about again?

**Someone on Earth**: Don't worry, she's gonna be plenty of trouble. Evil grin I apologize to Kakashi in advance…

**Shinigamilenne**: Thx for reviewing again! I'll keep this story going 'til I run out of ideas and that isn't going to be very soon, I promise. Another evil smile

Before I go on with the next chapter, I have two announcements to make:

1) The next chapter is coming out sometime this weekend. 2) there will be cheese in this chapter, I PROMISE.

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Chapter Three: Water Guns and Strawberry Smoothies

Kakashi was seriously annoyed. He was supposed to have the day off from training his team, but of course they couldn't let him have one moment of peace, could they? He walked leisurely along the streets to Iruka's, not caring that he was at least two hours late.

Meanwhile…

Nari was starting to get really bored. "Man, whoever this person is they sure are taking a long time," she said to herself, seeing as there was no one else around to listen. "Wait, I have an idea!" an evil grin formed on the face of the bagpipe/kazoo thing with legs. (A/N I hope Gynosphinx doesn't mind me using their quote.) She walked over to one of her suitcases and got out a good-sized water gun. "Muahaha, muahahahahaha—cough, cough—muahahaha!"

When Kakashi finally got to Iruka's door, he fumbled around his pockets looking for the key the Hokage gave him.

Flashback:

"_Kakashi, whatever you do, do not lose this key, do you understand?" asked the Third._

"_Uh-huh." With that he left the room, leaving the keys on the table._

End Flashback

"Oh crud." Kakashi thought. He knocked loudly on the door. "Just a minute." He heard someone say in an all-too-sweet-to-be-up-to-anything-good voice. The door swung slowly forward, and before he could do anything Kakashi was greeted by a powerful jet of water. "Take this!" said the same voice. Once the water had stopped, he found himself soaking wet in the middle of the hallway. "What was that for?" he demanded. A teenage girl walked out of the apartment and replied, "That's for being a meanie and making me wait!"

Kakashi followed the girl back into the apartment, already hating this mission. "Hi my name is Nari what's yours? Did you know it's really rude to drip on someone else's carpets so you should really stop doing that and—" "Hold on!" he interrupted, "It's your fault I'm dripping!" Nari looked at him as if he were crazy and said, "I fail to see how it's MY fault that you're being rude and dripping all over Iruka's nice floors." "You sprayed me with a water gun." "That's no excuse for you to be rude, Mr. I don't know your name." Kakashi was really starting to get annoyed now. "Now if you want to make up for your rudeness I suggest you make me a strawberry smoothie this instant." "I don't think so," the jounin replied. "I WANT A STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE! I WANT A STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE! I WANT A—" "Ok, ok, just shut up!"

After several failed attempts and a small explosion in Iruka's kitchen, Kakashi was finally able to make Nari a smoothie. "Here." He said through clenched teeth to her, who was currently humming the jeopardy song. She took one sip of the liquid and spat it out. "You call THIS a smoothie? This is hardly a sorry excuse for a fruit beverage! What's your name anyway? How can I properly lecture you on the making of a smoothie if I don't know your name? Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me—" "It's Kakashi," he said, still very POed, "And I officially declare this bedtime."

"Tell me a story1 Do you know any good stories? 'Cause I know some good stories but I want you to tell me a story 'cause I've never heard any of your stories before and I really want to listen to some of you stories so can you tell me a story? Huh? Huh? Can ya? Can ya? Can ya can ya can ya can ya can ya can ya can ya can ya?" Nari babbled jumping up and down on her bed. "No," said a very exhausted Kakashi, "I don't know any good stories." "Oh come on 'kashi, I bet you have plenty of good stories! Everyone has a story, didn't you know that? It's the story of you! I have a story too! Only mine has a happy ending and I know some people's stories don't have a happy ending and I feel really sorry for those people, don't you feel sorry for those people? I feel really sorry for those people. Sometimes I wish I could make a happy ending for those people, don't you? Do ya do ya do ya?" Fortunately for Kakashi the phone rang at that very moment. "Good night." He said turning off her light before she could protest. "No fair," Nari mumbled, "Wait, I know! I'm gonna stay up all night and no one can stop me! All night! You hear me? All—" she fell back on her pillow snoring.

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Wow, that was short. Oh well. Next Chapter there's going to be a slight mishap in the kitchen involving Nari and a jumbo size bag of cheese… tune in next time to find out! Oh and also, I think I made Kakashi a little OOC, but anyone would go crazy with Nari around, wouldn't they? Patrick, speak the disclaimer.

Patrick: I don't see why I have to do this, I mean it's so undignified… oh yeah, ISAS does not own Naruto.

Thank you! See you next time! Cookies to all!


	4. a small mishap with CHEESE

Greetings and salutations! Thanks to all that reviewed! I really didn't expect to get so many. Anyways, I have a bit of bad news. (This is the part when you're supposed to go "aww".) Thanks to an annoying interruption by the educational system, (and my evil social studies teacher.) I probably won't be able to update until next weekend. But no tears! I may be able to another chapter in before that. I'm seriously going to try to make this chapter longer, and this time THERE WILL BE CHEESE NO EXCEPTIONS.

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Kakashi was fast asleep on the couch after a reading spree of Icha Icha Paradise the night before. For some reason, he kept hearing this annoying voice calling his name. "Kakashi. Wake up Kakashi. There's sort of a…um… problem." Kakashi just tried to ignore it. "Wake up Kakashi. WAKE UP KAKASHI! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!" His eye slowly opened. "YAY! YOU'RE AWAKE!" Nari was standing beside the couch with an unidentifiable yellow substance in her hair. "Ugh, what do you want?" he mumbled, still only half-conscious. "Well…uh… you see…" she began with a guilty look on her face, "About the kitchen…" "What about the kitchen?" Kakashi asked, his eye narrowing. He got up and with Nari trailing behind him he walked slowly to the kitchen door. "It was an accident I swear! I was just trying to make an omelet and I messed up and please don't tell Iruka or I'll be in so much trouble and I don't want big brother mad at me so please don't be mad at me!" The jounin sighed, preparing himself for whatever monstrosity lay behind that door. Hesitantly he reached for the doorknob. "Holy…WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHINIGAMILENNE DID YOU DO?" (A/N Oh yeah! Who dunnit again? I dunnit again!)

The entire proximity of the kitchen was covered in cheese. You couldn't even see out the window it was so full of cheese. The gooey, gloppy stuff was everywhere you looked. "Where did all this cheese come from?" Kakashi asked suspiciously. "Well I was hungry and you were asleep and I decided to make myself breakfast and I got this huge bag of cheese from Iruka's cabinet and I threw it in a frying pan and turned the stove on high and walked away and then there was this explosion and—" "That's all I need to hear." The silver-haired man said, desperate to make Nari shut up.

"Well," he said after some thought, "I guess this means we're having breakfast out this morning." "Yay!" Nari shouted, "I love eating out! Eating out is fun and I can never decide which restaurant to go to so you should decide!" What's you favorite place to eat? My favorite place is this ramen stand back home but I'm not back home right now so is there a ramen stand here? I love ramen but anything will do! I like waffles and butter and cheese and smoothies and—" "There's ramen stand here, okay? Just please be quiet." "Don't worry new best friend, I'll be so quiet it'll be like I'm not even here, only I will be here and this is sort of like that time my friend Tosame was walking with me in the forest and he told me to be quiet and I told him I'd be so quiet it would be like I was invisible and—"

Kakashi was about to punch her lights out but then for some reason he stopped. "Nari," he said a little too calmly, "We're going to play a little game, okay?" "Oh boy! I love games!" The chattering horror exclaimed. "Do you want to know what it's called?" "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" "It's called… SHUT UP AND LEAVE KAKASHI ALONE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!" "Yay!" Nari whispered, "This game is really fun! Are you having fun? I'm having fun. Isn't having fun so much fun?" Quietly, Kakashi whimpered something about cruel fate or something like that.

"Mmm! This ramen is delicious!" Nari said with her mouth full. She was currently devouring her seventh bowl while Kakashi looked on, very bored. "So what are we gonna do now 'kashi? Are we gonna go have more fun? I love fun!" He sighed and replied, "I have to train my team today, which means you can't come." Nari's eyes began to water as she repeated, "I… can't…come?" He knew what was coming. "Wait, now hold on a minute—" he was interrupted by phenomenally loud sobs coming from the teenager. "WAAAAAAAH! I WANNA GO TOO! I WANNA GO TOO!" "Oh alright." Kakashi mumbled, his hands clasping his ears. Miraculously, the shrieking stopped. People who were staring at the two returned to what they previously were doing. "Yay! We're goin' training! We're goin' training!" The poor tortured jounin then began to twitch uncontrollably at every fifth syllable.

"WHERE THE HECK IS HE?" A blonde boy yelled to no one in particular. "Be quiet Naruto!" Sakura commanded, punching him in the head. "It's not fair!" Naruto mumbled, falling into a pouting position. "Why can't you be more like Sasuke?" the kunoichi demanded. POOF! A very tired Kakashi appeared with another person behind him. "Wow! That was so cool! Do it again! Do it again!" the person said jumping up and down. "Class, meet Nari. Nari, meet class." "Hi Nari!" said Naruto in his usual friendly tone, "My name's Naruto Uzumaki! One day I'm going to be Hokage!" "Hi!" Nari said, "One day I'm going to be an archaeologist and go on expeditions to the moon with my pet gerbil Mr. McSqueeb!" "I'm Sakura," said Sakura. "Hn," said Sasuke. "What's your name?" Nari asked him. "None of your business." "Wow, that's a funny name." Kakashi cleared his throat and announced, "Today we're splitting up. Naruto and Sakura will practice sparring here while Sasuke and Nari go into town and help elderly Mrs. Domochi with her shopping, okay? Any questions?" Sakura raised her hand. "Kakashi-sensei, what will you be doing while we're working?" "Um… uh… important jounin-y stuff," he replied, "Now get to it!" While the children separted, Kakashi climbed up a tree and settled down to read Icha Icha Paradise.

"Thank you kindly dearies," Mrs. Domochi said once she had gotten everything she needed. Sasuke was very annoyed. He did all the work while Nari just kept on babbling to their client. "So Noneofyourbusiness, what are we gonna do now, huh? Huh? What are we gonna do now?" "We're going back to the training grounds, we finished our assignment." Sasuke replied, his temper rising to a dangerous point. " Aw, that's no fun. Why can't we go have fun? I know!" She pulled out her infamous water gun from who knows where. "You're no going to actually spray me with water, are you?" Sasuke said, amused as she tried to point it at him. Nari pulled the trigger and a sticky substance was shot at the Uchiha prodigy. "Of course not silly, I'm spraying you with strawberry jelly!"

Meanwhile…

"I can't help but get the feeling something very bizarre just happened somewhere," Kakashi thought to himself while reading his precious book, "Oh well."

A very angry, very sticky, very strawberry-flavored Sasuke was standing in the middle of the road, Nari dancing gleefully around him and singing, "Ha ha! I got Noneofyourbusiness!" Suddenly there was a huge bang and a puff of smoke. Standing across the road from Sasuke and Nari was none other than Itachi. "Little brother, I have come to finish you off and—" the murderer paused and walked up to Nari. "Hey, you're kind of cute." She just blushed. "Wanna get a smoothie or something?" he asked, flashing a smile that would make some women faint. "Sure." Nari replied locking arms with him, leaving a both sticky and disgusted Sasuke to dry heave.

Though Sasuke was now flavored a sweet strawberry, he was in a very sour mood when he made it back to the training grounds. Naruto and Sakura were resting under the shade of a tree, and it appeared that Kakashi had just arrived as well. "Good job Naruto and Sakura. Both of you are improving," the jounin said, and then realized Nari was nowhere to be seen. "Sasuke, where's Nari?"

"Wow, I never knew such an annoying, freakish little bagpipe/kazoo thing with legs could be so cute," Itachi said. Nari blushed and replied, "I never knew a such a disgusting, valueless, S-ranked criminal could be so charming."

Kakashi was on the edge of hysterics. "What do you mean you don't know where she is?" The raven-haired boy shrugged, his face as usual emotionless. "Oh crud… Iruka's going to kill me…"

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There goes another chappie. I think I actually made this one a reasonable size. Oh well. Yes I know I made Itachi TOTALLY out of character, but who really cares? See you next weekend!


	5. Should've Used Raspberry

Sup. Thank you again for reviewing shinigamilenne and dragomew! (Also to dragomew, I like being alive so I guess I'll keep writing.) Anyways since I have nothing better to say I'm going to start the chapter now.

Patrick: Hey, what if I have something good to say?

No one cares Pat. Who's the author here?

Patrick: (rolls eyes) You are. ISAS does not own Naruto. (suddenly perks up) And anyone who doesn't visit my website is an idiot!

Bad assistant! Stop calling the readers names! While I'm kicking back drinking blackberry soda (yeah, weird flavor but I love it for some reason) please enjoy the next chapter!

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Our poor, psychotic hero Kakashi is where we found him last, striving to survive in the cruel Florana jungle. "Hey! That's not where you left me!" Kakashi yelled to the heavens. Oh right. I meant to say we find our poor, psychotic hero where we left him last, cringing as he thought about the many different ways Iruka could kill him when he got back and found out that the "babysitter" had lost his precious sister. " Are you positive you have no idea where she went?" he asked desperately to Sasuke, who was currently plotting how he could kill his brother, now that he was so close. "What? Did you say something?" the Uchiha replied. "Oh about that weird annoying girl. She kind of went off to get a smoothie with… oh crud…" Sasuke slapped himself on the head, then shouted, "To the smoothie bar!" A confused Kakashi stared at the boy as he ran down the street with a look of pure bloodlust in his eyes. "Uh, Sasuke," he called after his student, "The smoothie bar is in the other direction."

"So," said Itachi, staring into Nari's eyes, " Would you want to go out with me again?" "Sure!" Nari responded enthusiastically, "I'd love to!" The two leaned closer…and closer…and closer until their faces were merely an inch or two apart. CRASH! Sasuke jumped through the window and onto their table, laughing maniacally. When he finally ran out of breath, he just stared at his two worst enemies. Itachi cleared his throat and asked, "So, what do you plan on doing now that you've ruined our date?" "Um…" he paused, "Actually I didn't plan that far."

Suddenly the door opened revealing Kakashi, who was late for the action as usual. "You know, the door wasn't locked," he said to Sasuke who looked down and muttered, "Yeah I know." The prodigy then lightened up and yelled, "I, Uchiha Sasuke challenge you to a duel!" He pointed at his now very disturbed brother. Itachi grinned and replied, "Bring it on." And so a violent match struck out between the only remaining members of the Uchiha clan. There was kicking, punching, biting, and rock-paper-scissors. "You'll never defeat me!" Itachi laughed, "Besides, I'm way hotter that you." This seemed to get Sasuke furious. "No way! I am DEFINITELY hotter that you!" This started a verbal argument about whose hair was cooler, and who had the most fan girls and etc. etc. etc. Finally Kakashi got bored of waiting and dragged Nari out of the restaurant while she screamed, "No! You can't take me away from my Itachi! NOOOOOO! I love you Itachi! Call me!"

As soon as the two were out of the restaurant, Kakashi said, "Nari, I'm very disappointed in you. Do you know why?" Her eyes watered and she replied, "I know you don't want Itachi and I to be together, but can't you see we're made for each other! Fate brought us together and—" "No, that's not it," he interrupted, "You should have chosen raspberry jelly to spray at Sasuke. Strawberry is so overrated."

Later…

Nari wouldn't shut up about how wonderful Itachi was all the way back to Kakashi's apartment. He decided the kitchen at Iruka's was alittle too…well… cheesy. (Bad pun.) "Oh, he's so romantic! And he's caring and he likes the same flavor smoothie I do and we both think eharmony is evil and—" Something happened that usually didn't. Kakashi snapped. "SHUT UP!" he yelled, "YOU ARE SO ANNOYING YOU LITTLE BAGPIPE/KAZOO THING!" "But—" "NO BUTS! GO TO BED NOW!" "there's only one bed—" "THEN GO TO COUCH NOW!" The very disturbed man sulked to his room where he read his precious Icha Icha 'til he could keep his eyes open no more.

The next morning…

It was a beautiful sunny morning. Birds were chirping and everything was right with the world. You know that music that cartoons play when everything is like that? That music was playing. Kakashi's eye blinked open. He sat up, scratched his head, and tried to breath the fresh morning air through his mask. "GOOD MORNING SPECIAL FRIEND!" "AAAH!" Nari was crouching on the windowsill behind his head, apparently waiting for him to wake up. "GUESS WHAT SPECIAL FRIEND! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!" The poor fool tried to fall back asleep only to be shaken awake again by a very frustrated nutcase. "C'MON! IT'S REALLY COOL AND YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT!" "Ugh…whatever…" Kakashi dragged his still half-conscious body out of bed. "YAY!" Nari yelped. It looked like she was about to explode with excitement by the time Kakashi reached for the doorknob. The door slowly creaked open revealing….

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Patrick: Revealing what? Revealing what? You can tell me, I'm your ASSISTANT for shinigmilenne's sake! (and you thought I forgot to do it this chappie.)

ISAS: Nope. You've got to wait just like the others. Oh and also, I just have to tell you what inspired me for the next chapter. This one time a little while ago my friends Casey and Shelby and I were at this rehearsal dinner for her mom's wedding, and we got really hyper on Shirley Temples. We kept bothering my big brother and stuff and it was FUN! Just a little heads up for the next chappie, Shirley temples and cheese ski slopes will be involved…


	6. Randomness Hits Konoha

Thank you reviewers! Here it is, what we've all been waiting for! The door creaked open to reveal—

Patrick: ISAS! Sorry I'm late, my little brother ate all the toothpaste in the house and—

Patrick! Do not interrupt me when I'm working on a cliffie! And besides, no one wants to know about your toothpaste obsessed little brother!

Patrick: Oh…well you don't own Naruto.

And you don't own a toothpaste company. Let's be thankful. On with the story! (Warning: This chapter is very random. May be hazardous to your health if you are allergic to stupidity.)

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The door slowly creaked open revealing…huge piles of gooey cheese all over Kakashi's living room. The worst part of it was little mice were skiing down them and squeaking with delight. "See the family of mice that lived in your kitchen was bored, so I made a ski resort out of cheese for them! Aren't they cute? Alexander jr.!" Nari ran over to a small mouse about to ski down the tallest mountain of cheese. "you are not allowed to ski the big slopes yet. You have to go on the small hills before you try something like that ok?" The tiny mouse squeaked in agreement as she set him down on a smaller mound of cheese.

"Where did—how did—why did—what in the name of shinigamilenne happened here?" Kakashi stuttered. "I told you," Nari chirped, "The mice in you kitchen were bored and—" "I meant the cheese! Where'd all this CHEESE come from?" "Hmm…" she fell deep into thought, something that didn't happen very often. "I don't know. Where'd we get all this cheese ISAS?" She looked up at the ceiling. A really amplified version of my voice replied, "I think I saved it from that cheese convention last week. When I heard that you needed it for such a good cause, I just couldn't turn it down." Kakashi was almost angry enough to, well, do something very bad to me. But instead he got all calm and creepy. "Nari, I want all this cheese gone…now…" he said in a painfully sweet tone. "Well I want a million bucks now and that's not gonna happen," the cheerful horror child said with a smile.

Kakashi was on the edge of busting out his kunai knife and murdering her on the spot. Really, he was. But something distracted him. Two little Kakashis, one dreesed in white with wings and a halo, the other dressed in red with a tail and horns appeared on his shoulders. "Don't do it Kakashi," the angel mini-Kakashi squeaked, "It's mean." "Do it! Do it!" screeched the devil mini-Kakashi, "Shut that stupid kid up for good!" "Uh, who are you?" the confused jounin asked. "I'm your under-nourished, under-used good side," chirped the angel. "And I'm your cool, Icha Icha-reading bad side," the devil said, "But mostly cool."

"Oh…so you're the guys who tell me whether the things I do are good are not. Where was my good side for all the years I was an ANBU anyway?" Kakashi asked. "What, I can't take a nice, long, relaxing in the vacation in the Bahamas without you becoming a conscienceless killing machine?" the angel asked in return. " Ok, subject change," the devil interrupted, "Don't you want to know why we're here?" "No, not really. I can make decisions on my own thank you," Kakashi said. "Oh…" the angel mumbled, "So Kakashi's Bad Side, wanna go get sushi?" "Sure." After two little puffs of smoke the mini-Kakashis were gone.

Meanwhile…

Sasuke was sulking in his room after his fight with Itachi. Their duel came to a magnificent end when Itachi poked Sasuke in the eye and he started to cry, saying that he cheated. His brother got away, AND his self-esteem could have practically dropped dead after people saw him crying. He was now more determined than ever to defeat Itachi. However, for the time being, he decided that he would take his anger out on someone else.

Meanwhile Meanwhile….

Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were walking through Konoha's streets. Two of them looked bored while one of them kept throwing death glares at everyone. I think you can guess who's who. Anyways, all three were surprised to hear yelling and a crowd growing around the center of town, so all three ran over to see what was the matter. "I'm gonna kill you Nari! Then I'm gonna bury you, and then dig you up! And then clone you and then kill all your clones!" Three other people plowed through the crowd. Nari was being chased by Sasuke who was shouting threats at her. They were followed by Kakashi, who was chasing both of them so he wouldn't get in trouble. Nari ran up to Gaara and shook him yelling frantically, "Hide me!" With that she hid behind him and his siblings. Sasuke stopped running and looked around. "You can't hide from me for long!" he shouted, "For I am invincible!" Thunk! The Uchiha boy fell to the ground with a reasonable sized bump on his head. "Yeah, invincible," Kakashi said, holding up the frying pan he used to knock Sasuke out.

"Man, that Noneofyourbusiness is one mean guy," Nari said as she downed some more ramen. Kakashi and Nari were sitting at the ramen stand after Sasuke got taken away to therapy. Gaara and his siblings were still trying to recover from the shock the last five minutes had brought them. That's when Naruto walked over to the stand. "Hi Kakashi-sensei! Hi Nari! Hey! You like ramen too?" Nari smiled and nodded her head, her mouth too full of ramen to talk. She swallowed her food and shouted, "I bet I can eat more than you!" "You're on!" "Okay on one condition." What?" Naruto asked. "Kakashi pays!" "WHAT?"

Two hours later…

It was down to the last bowl for both Nari and Naruto. If either of them took one more bite, they would be deemed champion. A small crowd had formed around the stand, interested in the competition. "Must…eat…one…more…bite…" Naruto struggled to say, "If…I…can't…beat…this…I'll…never…become…hokage…" Nari was unnaturally quiet, for once in her life. She stared at the last bite of ramen in her bowl. Then, at the same time, the two passed out from overeating.

"Is she waking up?" "Looks like it." Nari woke up in the hospital. "Hey, could ya keep it down? I was just in the middle of a nice dream where I was walking down a warm tunnel with a magnificent light at the end." Someone came over to Nari and shook her violently, "Stay away from the light, kid! Away from the light!" "Calm down doctor, the patient has visitors." A nurse opened the door for Kakashi and the Third Hokage. " Hello Nari, how are you feeling?" the old man asked. "I'm fine, but I can't remember why I'm in a hospital," she replied cheerfully. "You ate three times your body mass in ramen," Kakashi sighed, seeing as he was the one to pay for it. "We haven't forgotten," the Third said glaring at him, "And Tsunade has something to say to you." "Oh crud." As if by cue, Tsunade burst in the door and yelled, "You incompetent idiot!' She grabbed Kakashi by the ear and yanked him out the door while he said, "Ow! Why the ear?"

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Wow. That was like, the most random collection of events I think I've ever written. Oh well. Next time I'm doing an early Christmas special. Muahaha, Muahahahaha! Trust me, this next one is actually going to make sense. And if you're wondering where the Shirley temples came in, I was drinking like 8 of them while writing this chapter and that's why it's so…whatever it is. Anyways, what will happen when the Third and Tsunade decide to make the ninjas of Konoha do a Christmas play? All I can give away is that I'm sorry to Cindy, cuz I'm sort of making fun of her play. Later.


	7. The Christmas Play

Thank, you, thank you. Randomness IS beautiful, isn't it? Anyways, I also have a new assistant to help me and Pat. Please welcome…. DAVID!

David: ….Uh….hi?

On with the story!

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"You cannot be serious." "Oh but I am," Tsunade replied, "You and all the other ninjas will be part of a Christmas play to raise money for me to gamble—I mean…buy new weapons for you all." Kakashi looked at her strangely and said, "Please tell me this is a cruel sick joke and you're going to call it all off?" "Ok, this is a cruel sick joke and I'm going to call it all off." "Really?" "No."

Later that night at the auditorium…

"Hello, and welcome to our ninja sponsored play!" Nari said enthusiastically, "I am the one who casted the actors for this production, director, and also the storyboard director, and the stage crew and… well basically everything other than the actors. So without further adieu, I give you 'In Search of Rudolf'!" The audience clapped and Nari walked off the stage while the curtains parted. The musicians started playing the introduction to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland".

Rudolf/Gai: Come my reindeer friends, let's go outside and play! It shall ensure our youth!

Seven more ninjas in reindeer costumes walk onstage. They included Kakashi as Dasher, Sakura as Dancer, Lee as Prancer, Kankuro as Vixen, Naruto as Comet, Hinata as Cupid, Kurenai as Donner, and Tenten as Blitzen.

All the reindeer lined up and started singing while kicking left to right in a broadway-ish manner:

Sleigh bells ring, are ya listnen?

In the lane, snow is glistnen,

A beautiful sight

We're happy tonight,

Walking in a winter wonderland.

However, about halfway through the song, Naruto decided that to impress Sakura he'd try to kick extra hard. He accidently kicked Lee in the face, who took this as a challenge and kicked Naruto back. This made Naruto lose his balance, so he knocked into Hinata, who knocked into Kurenai who knocked into Tenten. Sakura was so shocked by all the chaos and the heat from the spotlight on her reindeer suit that she fainted. Kakashi and Gai were the only ones standing, since Gai knocked over Lee 'for being an idiot'. Kakashi decided to improvise.

Dasher/Kakashi: Look what you've done to us you red-nosed freak! We never want to see you again!

With a heroic effort, he managed to get all the unconscious/knocked over reindeer offstage.

Rudolf/Gai: (To the audience) Can you keep a secret? I'm supposed to be practicing for leading Santa's sleigh, but I want to go outside instead. If you see Ma or Pa Claus, don't tell them you've seen me, ok?

Audience: (All but some little kid) OKAY.

Some little kid in the audience: NO.

Rudolf exits. Temari, or Mrs. Claus to be specific ran onto the stage.

Mrs. Claus/Temari: Papa! Papa!

Santa/Shikamaru: (entering) Yes Mama?

Mrs. Claus/Temari: I can't seem to find Rudolf anywhere. He should be practicing for Christmas eve!

Santa/shikamaru: Oh how troublesome. I need to finish making a bunch of troublesome toys with those troublesome elves.

Mrs. Claus/Temari: I know. I'll look for Rudolf and you help the elves. (exits)

Santa/Shikamaru: but where are my elves? (to the audience) Have you seen my elves? Have you seen my elves? Has anyone seen Elvis?

The intro to "We are santa's elves" plays as 6 elves walk onstage. They are dressed in cute little green outfits and have pointy little green hats. The elves are played by Sasuke, Asuma, Choji, Kiba, Ino, and Gaara.

Elves: (sung) we are santa's elves

Busy little elves

Making toys for all the girls and boys

We are santa's elves

The elves sit down and Santa exits.

Mrs. Claus/Temari: Oh elves? Have you seen Rudolf?

Elves: No.

Mrs. Claus/Temari: Oh no! I don't know where any of the reindeer are! (exits)

Musicians singing: You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…

The first four reindeer enter.

Musicians: Comet and cupid and Donner and Blitzen…

The next set of reindeer enter.

Musicians: But do you recall….the most famous reindeer of all?

Dasher/Kakashi: Comet, have you seen Rudolf?

Comet/Naruto: No Dasher, why?

Dasher/Kakashi: Well he needs to practice for Christmas eve and ma and pa claus are very upset with him. How about you Donner?

Donner/Kurenai: He's not down here.

Dasher/Kakashi: how about you Prancer?

Prancer/Lee: No, I haven't seen him either.

Cupid/Hinata: I know, maybe if we sing his favorite song he'll come back. How 'bout it kids?

Reindeers singing:

Rudolf the red-nosed Reindeer (Elves: reindeer)

Had a very shiny nose (like a lightbulb)

And if you ever saw it (saw it)

You would even say it glows (like a flashlight)

All of the other reindeer (reindeer)

Used to laugh and call him names (like Pinocchio)

They never let poor Rudolf (Rudolf)

Join in any reindeer games (Like monopoly0

Then one foggy Christmas eve,

Santa came to say

Rudolf with your nose so bright

Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him (loved him)

As they shouted out with glee (yippee)

Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer (Reindeer)

You'll go down in history (like George Washington)

Frosty the Snowman enters.

All Reindeer: Hey! Look! It's Frosty!

Neji was in a snowman costume, and not looking very happy about it.

Frosty the Snowman/Neji: I heard you guys are looking for Rudolf.

Reindeer: Yeah

Frosty the Snowman/Neji: I saw him playing outside.

Reindeer: you did?

Frosty the snowman/Neji: Of course, how do you think I got made?

Everyone singing:

Frosty the Snowman

Was a jolly happy soul (Neji winced at this.)

With a corncob pipe

And a button nose

And two eyes made out of coal.

Frosty the Snowman

Was a fairy tale they say

He was made of snow but the children know

How he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in—

The song was interrupted by Neji shouting, "What the? Where's my hat?"

At that moment Nari ran across the back of the stage wearing Neji's top hat and screaming, "I'm a monkey! I'm a monkey!" "uh…okaaaaaay…Anyway…" The actors got back into character and started the part after the song.

Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Hmm, what can we do to get Rudolf to come back inside?

Prancer/Sakura: I know! Maybe if we get into the Christmas spirit, he'll come back and join us! We really need some Christmas spirit…let's….

All singing:

Haul out the holly

Put up the tree before my

Spirit falls again

Fill up the stockings

I may be rushing things but

Deck the halls again now

For we need a little Christmas

Right this very minute

Candles in the window

Carols at the spinet

Yes we need a little Christmas

Right this very minute

It hasn't snowed a single flur

But santa dear we're in a hur

So climb down the chimney

Put up the brightest stream of

Lights I've ever seen

Slice up the fruitcake

It's time we hung some tinsel

On that evergreen bough

For I've grown a little leaner

Grown a little colder

Grown a little sadder

Grown a little colder

Yes I need a little angel

(At this point Shino was lowered by rope above the stage in an angel costume.)

Sitting on my shoulder

We need a little Christmas now.

At the end of the song, the rope suspending Shino above the stage snapped and he fell on Vixen and Comet, aka Kankuro and Naruto. "Ow," he groaned, "I think I broke my wing."

On cue Gai ran into the auditorium shouting "Hi guys! I'm back!"

Rudolf/Gai: (Enters stage) Wow, that was fun.

Mrs. Claus/Temari: (Enters) Rudolf! There you are! We've been looking all over for you!

Rudolf/Gai: I'm sorry I was partaking in youthful frivolity instead of practicing for leading Santa's sleigh tonight…

Blitzen/Tenten; hey, now that rudolf's back, why don't we all sing Santa's favorite song?

Reindeer: Okay!

Everyone:

Who's got a beard that's long and white?

Santa's got a beard that's long and white!

Who comes around on a special night?

Santa comes around on a special night.

Beard that's white, special night,

Must be Santa

Must be Santa

Must be Santa, Santa Claus! Yay!

After hearing HIS cue, Shikamaru/Santa walks onstage.

Santa/Shikamaru: Rudolf, there you are!

Rudolf/Gai: (Falls to knees) Please Santa, PLEASE let me still lead your sleigh even after I went outside instead of practicing! PLEASE!

Santa/Shikamaru: Hmm…I don't know…

Prancer/Sakura: Pick me instead! I've got a flashlight!

Comet/Naruto: No! Me! I've got a map!

Vixen/Kankuro: Both of you are being stupid, I'VE got a global positioning unit! (holds up a small beeping GPU)

Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Now Santa, remember what Christmas is all about.

Santa/Shikamaru: For giving and for forgiving?

Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Of course not, the presents!

Santa/Shikamaru: Well in that case, sure Rudolf. You can lead my sleigh. Besides, how could I find my way around without that shiny red nose of yours?

Vixen/Kankuro: (muttering) Global positioning unit…

Everyone singing:

Jingle bells, monkey smells

Melman laid an egg

Marty thinks that Alex stinks

And the camels say oy-vey!

THE END

The curtains fell and the audience (except for that one kid) was clapping. That one kid was saying boo until someone randomly decided to vaporize him. Rather than going into detail about the lawsuits from that, why don't we get back to the ninjas.

Backstage….

"That was so troublesome," Shikamaru said, trying to take his fake beard off. "At least you weren't an elf," Sasuke snapped, "We had practically no lines!" "Hey!" said Naruto, "Wasn't Sasuke supposed to be at therapy? And where'd those weirdos from Sand go?"

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Deep breathes. In….out….in….out. I think (pant pant) that was (pant pant) the longest (pant pant) chapter I've (pant pant) ever done. Phew… (collapses)

Patrick: Ok, ISAS, I'm here! Finally! ISAS? And WHO'RE YOU?

David: Uh, I'm the new assistant of the assistant.

Patrick: Oh…wanna just leave here like that and get donuts?

David: Sure.


	8. Randomness Strikes Again

David: Hello, ISAS is still unconscious from her last writing session so I'll be filling in. Oh wait, she's waking up.

Thanks David, I'll take it from here. Anyways, something's seriously weird with my profile. No matter how many times I hit return it never shows up in the actual thing. It is really starting to annoy me. Anyways anyways, Patrick is late AGAIN and he won't be here for a while.

Since you guys loved my last very random chapter, I decided to do another one! Yay! On with the story! (I've been saying that for the last three chappies haven't I? Oh well.)

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"Where did he go?" Temari asked desperately looking around. "Well," Kankuro said, "There aren't too many demon children running around in an elf costume in this town. How hard could it possibly be to find Gaara?" Now I don't know if you know, but as soon as someone utters those particular words that Kankuro just muttered, things get very very difficult for that person. The two sand ninja rounded the corner only to halt at the sight before them. There, in the middle of the street, was a parade. Two people who were dressed as Gaara dressed as an elf were carrying a banner that said: "Elf and Demon Child Appreciation Day".

Meanwhile…

Gaara, who had gone completely mental after people started clapping, (apparently loud noises set him off.) was currently skipping down the street across town from where his siblings were. If only the sight of him skipping in an elf costume were the most disturbing, but alas my dear readers, no. It was the fact that he was singing "Twinkle, twinkle, Little Star" in the worst voice imaginable that made people rush to their phones to call the "Strange But Urgent Emergencies" hotline. "UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH! LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE—" Finally, someone had the brains to bash him over the head with a frying pan. (Coincidentally, the same one Kakashi used to knock out Sasuke earlier that day.)

Nari was walking home from the theater with Kakashi when—hold on, it's best I clarify that last statement. It wasn't so much as Kakashi walking WITH Nari as Nari being thrown in a sack and being dragged by Kakashi. Anyway, that was when out of nowhere a very large and spoiled penguin (Let's call him Roger.) drove up in a brand new red Mercedes. "Dude," Roger the penguin asked a very speechless Kakashi, "You need a ride?" He still being speechless, the jounin slowly shook his head no. If one were to lower that mask on his no doubt very hot face, they would see that his mouth was open the entire time out of shock. "Suit yourself," Roger said, "I'm off to the hero rewarding ceremony." With that, the penguin drove off.

Nari's sack squirmed. "ooh! A hero rewarding ceremony? That sounds so COOL! Can we go 'Kashi? Can we? Can we? Can we can we can we can we can we can we?"

Back to the Elf and Demon Child Appreciation Day Parade….

"Oh no!" Temari exclaimed, about to go into hysterics, "any of these Gaaras could be the real Gaara! If we don't return to The Village Hidden in the Sand with him they'll totally kill us!" She started to hyperventilate. "Temari! Calm down!" her brother said, "We'll find him, trust me." "How can I trust you, Kankuro? How? I can hardly trust myself knowing I've lost my baby brother!" She started to cry, making Kankuro roll his eyes at how out of character she was being.

Somehow Nari was able to convince Kakashi to go to the ceremony. To specify, she shrieked at him until he gave in. Back to the point, the Third and Tsunade were standing at the podium with none other than the frying pan that knocked out Sasuke and Gaara. "We would like to take this moment to recognize a great hero to our village," the Third began, "This frying pan saved our town from the menaces that were really annoying us, thus proving itself a cooking utensil of great courage." Everyone started to clap and randomly someone from the crowd shouted, "Three cheers for Priscilla the Amazing Non-stick Frying Pan! Hip hip!" "Hooray!" the crowd responded. "Hip hip!" "Hooray!" "Hip hip— who in the name of shinigamilenne is that?" (A/N Sorry I forgot to do that last chapter, I guess that means I have to do it more than once this chapter. Tee hee.) Nari had jumped onstage and was now tearing through the crowd with Priscilla the Amazing Non-stick Frying Pan in her arms. On top of that she was laughing maniacally, which gets just plain annoying after a while.

TBC…

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Yes, I know that was phenomenally short, but that just means there'll be more tomorrow!

David: That's the best you can do on a snow day with no one nagging you to do anything?

Heh heh heh, David, it's well past the time for you to shut up now…heh heh (covers hand over his mouth and tries to avoid reader's glares.) see ya tomorrow!


	9. The KOMEFP

Hello? ANYONE OUT THERE?

David: Hey ISAS, if you listen closely you can hear crickets!

Shut up Davey.

David: hey, just doing my job.

Which is to lay around reading manga?

David: Well, yeah that too, but I'm a professional from ISC.

The ignoring salmons clinic?

David: No, the Institute of Supreme Cluelessness.

Ahh, I see. Well, on with the story before David says something else stupid.

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Recap: Gaara being the mental demon child he is took off after the Christmas play and his siblings have to find him amongst the marchers of the "Elf and Demon Child Appreciation Day" parade. Also, Nari being the most annoying and mental girl on the planet stole Priscilla the Amazing Non-stick frying pan from its own ceremony….how sad….

"Are you Gaara?" Kankuro asked one of the marchers in the parade. "No, I'm Phil." "Are you Gaara now?" he asked again hopefully. "NO!" Temari wasn't having much luck either. "ARE YOU GAARA?" she shrieked at some poor guy running a gelato stand. (A/N don't ask, I just like gelato.) "N-no, I'm just some guy running this gelato stand! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME SCARY LADY!"

Meanwhile…

"YOU'LL NEVA CATCH ME ALIVE, COPPAS!" The Konoha Organization for Missing and Exploited Frying Pans (which incidentally was founded five minutes after Nari ran off with Pricilla the Amazing Non-stick Frying Pan) was hot on the insane teenager's trail. Apparently after she had plowed her way through the crowd, she also stole Roger the Rather Large and Over-spoiled Penguin's Mercedes. Currently she was weaving through the streets at say, 178 miles per hour.

"WHEE! ISN'T THIS FUN?" Nari asked the frying pan in the passenger seat. Of course, the object didn't reply, but then again it didn't need to. "Oh no! You don't have your seatbelt on! Don't you know the first rule about car safety?" Nari leaned over with both arms and tried to fit the belt over the frying pan, leaving the steering wheel unattended.

There, I hope you learned your lesson!" She said after scolding Pricilla, "Now where was I? oh yeah! Driving!" She grabbed the wheel just in time to steer the car away from a squirrel that was petrified with fear in the middle of the road. "WAIT! A POOR HELPLESS SQUIRRELLY!" Nari hit the breaks and jumped out of the car, catapulting herself towards the poor thing. "Aw! What a cute little fuzzy squirrel!" She said, picking it up and rubbing it against her cheek. With that the squirrel passed out. "Okay Squirelly wants to nap now." She placed the animal in the middle of the road and happily skipped back to Roger's Mercedes.

Once she got her seatbelt on, sirens started blaring down the street. Behind Nari, two large vans pulled up with "The Konoha Organization for Missing and Exploited Frying Pans" painted sloppily on the sides. Several ANBU members piled out from them and surrounded the car. "Halt in the name of shinigamilenne!" The leader shouted. "What's that Pricilla?" Nari said leaning her ear towards the frying pan, "you want me to floor it? Well ok, whatever you say."

Meanwhile at Iruka's House…

Kakashi was attempting to clean up the cheese mess in the kitchen, but unfortunately for him he had no experience in cleaning at all. In fact, up until now, the Bio-Hazard SWAT team had already visited the apartment five time due to neighbors complaining about explosions and cursing coming from there. Anyway, he was just about to give up when the doorbell rang. Kakashi was fending off a mutated piece of cheese at the time (Remember kids, don't end up like the silly Kakashi. Never mix two liquids together when you don't know what either one does. ) and had to lock it in the closet before he could answer the door. "Hello?" he asked as he answered the door. A man with a T-shirt that said "The Konoha Organization for Missing and Exploited Frying Pans" was in the hallway with a large crate that moved every so often. "I believe this is yours," the man grunted, shoving the crate through the doorway and slamming the door.

As soon as the door closed, Nari shoved the top off the crate and shouted, "HI THERE SPECIAL FRIEND!"

Back to Gaara…

Gaara had just woken up to find himself in the middle of the street, his memory of the past two days completely erased. "What? Where am I? AND WHY AM I IN AN ELF COSTUME?" "GAARA!" Temari ran down towards her brother half dragging, half choking Kankuro by his neck. "Never run away from us again!" "I ran somewhere?" Gaara asked blankly.

Somehow a narrator walks in with a microphone and says:

And so it came to pass that all that was wrong was now right, and all those who deserved it were ensured to live a long and happy life. Ever after.

A bunch of random people start singing:

HAPPY NOW AND HAPPY HENCE AND HAPPY EVER AFTER! JOY TODAY AND BLISS TOMORROW HAPPINESS AND LAUGHTER!

"Wait a second! It's NOT OVER YET!" The music and smiles die down as the author (me!) walks in. "What the heck are you guys doing here?" "Uhh…" said the narrator, "digging to Antartica?" "I DON'T THINK SO! EVERYONE OUT!" All the people go "Aw…" and walk away. Meanwhile Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were looking at me strangely. "Ok, back to the storyline." The author exits and Temari says, "okaaaaaaaay…."

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Another really short chapter, but give me some credit peoples, it was very random.

David: don't you mean they shouldn't give you credit BECAUSE it was random?

No, no not really. Anyway, I'll PROBABLY update over the weekend, but it depends on how much homework my evil social studies teacher gives me. See yas.


	10. Nari's Slumber Party

Thank you for reviewing shinigamilenne and diskordia! I'm on a mission to make several very random chapters in a row! YAY! GO RANDOMNESS! GO RANDOMNESS! Ok I'm done now.

Patrick: (running around in the background) WHEEEEE! I'M A PRETTIFUL BUTTERFLY!

David: Help ISAS! Patrick has lost his mind!

Ok, first of all, since when has Patrick HAD a mind? And second, I need to get on with this story.

David: NO MAKE IT STOP! THE DREADED SONG!

Patrick: I love you, you love me, we're a great big family…

THAT"S ENOUGH! WILL YOU TWO PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE THE IDIOTS YOU ARE SO I CAN GET ON WITH THIS STORY? 

Eh heh heh, anyways, here's the next chapter for my death trap—I MEAN…story…yeah story…

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"Hello? Operator? Get me the Konoha Organization of Recently Delivered Boxes!" Kakashi yelled into the phone to a terrified operator. His call switched over and a secretaery's voice was heard at the other end, "How may I provide you with excellent service?" "Well," Kakashi began in a more calm tone, "A large box with an insane teenager in it was just delivered to my apartment and I'd like to ask about your return policies…"

Meanwhile…

Sasuke emerged from therapy with a big grin on his face. "Finally, I have ridden my mind of all things to do with my brother and can now focus on contributing to the human race!" He said to no one in particular.

Unfortunately for Roger the Rather Large and Spoiled Penguin, he just happened to be walking by (which he was really miffed about as an alternative to driving his now totaled Mercedes) when Sasuke was in such a delicate frame of mind.

"YOU!" the Uchiha screamed, "WHY ARE YOU WEARING A TUXEDO? DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS IS CASUAL FRIDAY? DIE!"

Back at the ranch…(or technically back at Iruka's cheese-filled apartment)

Kakashi was very very very very very very very very very very…what was the word I was gonna use again? Oh crud. Hold on a second… Oh yeah! Angry. Anyways, he was in this foul mood because of a few things: as soon as he asked the secretary at the Konoha Organization of Recently Delivered Boxes she told him they were closed on National Elf and Demon Child Appreciation Day, Nari wouldn't shut up, (as usual) and when the telephone rang again it was a telemarketer. The last thing really got him on the edge.

"So special friend, I was wondering if we could go outside and play lacrosse because I love lacrosse even though I have no idea what it even is and do you know what it is cuz I want to know what it is and from the name it sounds really fun and even saying it is fun so I'm gonna keep saying it cuz it's fun. LACROSSE LACROSSE LACROSSE LACROSSE LACROSSE!" Finally one of the neighbors had the sense to shout, "WILL YA SHUT UP? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? WE'RE NOT NOCTURNAL YA KNOW!" Nari shook her fist in the direction of the voice and hollered, "I'LL KNOCK YOUR TURNAL RIGHT OFF, BUDDY!"

"Nari, the guy has a point," Kakashi said still trying to get over how disturbing this child was, "It's pretty late and you should get to sleep." Nari just smiled evilly and replied, "Don't be silly! You're not supposed to sleep at a SLUMBER PARTY!" (dun dun dun)

At Naruto's House/Apartment/Cardboard Box-sized Living arrangement…

Riiiiiiiiiiiing! Naruto got out of bed drowsily and answered the phone, "Loudness 'R Me, how may I provide you with excellent service?" "HI NARUTO! GUESS WHAT?" The blonde just couldn't place the voice though he knew it from somewhere. "What?" he asked. "YOU'RE INVITED TO A SLEEPOVER AT IRUKA'S HOUSE! CALL EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN IN YOUR LIFE AND TELL THEM TO GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

A few hours later….

A whole crowd of people were in the hallway leading to Iruka's arpartment, murmuring as the door opened. "WELOCOME SPECIAL FUN SLUMBER PARTY GUESTS!" Nari shouted, throwing her arms in the air. Getting Kakashi out of the way was an easy matter for her; all she had to do was throw one of his precious Icha Icha books into the closet and shut it after he raced over to get it. "YAY! IT'S FUN SLEEPOVER FUN TIME! YAY!" The crowd followed her into the apartment as she babbled, "You can set up your sleeping bags over here, games are over here, and refreshments over here…" She stopped and looked around. "Hey, where's Sasuke?" "Therapy!" some random person answered. "Oh."

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There goes another extremely short and somewhat random chappie. What will happen at Nari's sleepover? Is Sasuke REALLY at therapy? And why is Shino afraid of Penguins? Tune in next time to find out!

David: And of course by next time, you mean a day or two from now?

Probably! And where'd Patrick go? (looks around)

David: Oh he's at therapy.

Oh. That makes sense. Why aren't yoou and I at therapy?

David: good question. I guess there are just some of us beyond the point of no return when it comes to insanity.

Shut up. Anyways, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT!


	11. Nari and Roger Save Christmas sort of

Greetings peoples!

David: Gasp! I thought you were dead!

Heck no, just high on egg nog. Anyways, time for a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! YAY!

Patrick: She disturbs me very much….

Well YOU disturb the circle of life, Pat.

Patrick: That makes no sense.

David: Does anything she ever says make sense?

Patrick: Good point.

Anyways anyways, the story must go on!

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The night began like any other. Hold on a sec, what I MEANT to say was that the night began as a total and utter disaster. Yeah, that describes it. Everyone was dancing to music almost too loud for the speakers to contain (which meant that just about everyone in a 20-mile radius was having a sleepless night) when low and behold, Roger the Oversized and Over-spoiled Penguin walked in.

The music stopped. Everyone stared. "What's the matter with you people?" Roger shouted, "Can't you see it's Christmas?" (A/N ok, so technically it's AFTER Christmas, but who really cares?) "What's Christmas?" Someone randomly asked. "You people don't know what Christmas is?" Roger stuttered, amazed at these people's stupidity.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know I know!" Nari shrieked jumping up and down, "Pick me! Pick ME!" "Ugh, does anyone ELSE know what Christmas is?" The oversized penguin groaned. "PICK ME! PICK ME!" "Anyone at all?" "PICK ME YOU LOUSY ANTARTIC FOWL! PICK! ME! PICK ME!" "FINE!" Roger screamed, "Just shut up, for shinigamilenne's sake!"

"Yay! I win!" Nari said smiling, "Ok, Maschrist—" "It's Christ-MAS," Roger interrupted. "Whatever. Christmas is a person just like you who delivers gifts to all the good vegetables, marsupials, and reptiles of the world over two nights. But if you're not sleeping when Christmas comes…uh…you have to…uh…dress up like a monkey and do the chicken dance while deep-frying in Bisquick!"

"You got it all wrong, Nari," Naruto said, "Christmas is an object with multi-fluxiating properties that make it the best brand of laundry soap you buy!" "Don't be stupid, stupid," Sasuke cut in, "Christmas is obviously—" "Hey!" Nari shouted, "When did you get here? Weren't you supposed to be at therapy after you attacked Roger?" "Who cares!" Sasuke yelled, "Anyway, Christmas is obviously a time of year when people torture each other by sending disgusting, multi-colored, pastries that are harder than concrete to each other." "yeah, and what are these pastries called, hmm?" Nari inquired suspiciously. "They are called….FRUIT CAKES!"

"You're all only half-right!" Roger replied, "Except for Naruto, he's completely wrong. But anyway, Christmas is a holiday where we celebrate the most important thing of all." "The miracle of life?" Nari asked. "Peace and prosperity?" Naruto suggested. "killing Itachi?" Sasuke said with an evil look on his face. Suddenly some random pizza delivery guy walked in and said, "getting a huge cash bonus!" "No no no!" Roger answered, "getting expensive presents!" "Oh…" everyone said.

ROGER'S MUSICAL NUMBER

Roger: Though life as you know it may seem dull and dreary,

And you never seem to see things quite clearly,

All of that changes….on Christmas day!

Nari: Though doggies bite and oatmeal is lumpy,

Though people fight and blue cheese smells funky,

All of that changes….on Christmas day! Oh…

Roger and Nari: Presents and gifts and boxes galore!

So many things you haven't explored,

Isn't obvious it's time to celebrate?

So many things to be thankful for,

Nobody cares all they want is more,

That's the true meaning….of Christ-mas DAAAAAAAAAAY!

"I think my eardrum just exploded," Neji said, pouting in some remote corner being his usual, genius-y self. "Aw, why do ya hafta be so darn negative, Neji?" Nari asked. "Because," he replied, "This punch tastes terrible. Where'd you get it from?" "Oh this? I made it from a bunch of colorful liquids in pretty bottles from the kitchen. The cabinet they were in was locked, but I had no trouble getting out a crowbar and—" "Why did you use random bottles? Did you even know what was in them?" Neji demanded. "Well they had nice names written on them, like Clorox, and Bounce, and Febreeze, and Lyesol, and—"

Suddenly something made Nari stop. A smile formed on her face. "Oh I get it now," she said, looking smug, "you're just pretending not to like it because it tastes so good that you're jealous and you want my recipe!" "That's not what I—" "Shut up punch criticizer, it's time for…KARAOKE!" (dun dun dun)

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Wow, that was reeeeeaaaaally short huh? Oh well, cuz next time you can look forward to, "KARAOKE!". If you have any suggestions, please submit them, cuz for the next chappie I'm taking all the requests I can get!

Patrick: Suggestions? I have one!

What?

Patrick: Put me in the next chapter! ME!

Oooookaaaaaaay…just make sure to tune in next time! Happy Belated Holidays!

David: Shinigamilenne bless us, everyone.


	12. Karaoke and Taco Meat Obsessions

David: Hello? Why is it so dark in here? Where's ISAS?

Patrick:...Hello...DAVID...As for ISAS, I've gotten rid of her...

David: w-where is she?

Patrick: She's up there now.

David: breaks into tears The Big Writer's Studio in the Sky?

Patrick: No stupid, there's a party in the upstairs apartment and I sent her there to get rid of her for a little while.

David: oh.

Patrick: As for this chapter, I SHALL TAKE OVER IT!

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(A/N This chappie is fully credited to Patrick the Wonder boy, so if it sucks….blame him. If it doesn't…Yay!)

ANYWAY, at the s point I, Patrick, shall INSERT MYSELF INTO THE STORY! MUAHAHAHA! (pushes a button which transports me into story)

Meanwhile….

"KARAOKE?" Naruto spat out his terrible tasting punch/ sludgewater on Sasuke, who promptly shot death glares at him. "YOU IDIOT! THIS SHIRT IS DRY CLEAN ONLY!" "Well look on the bright side," Naruto said defensively, "At least you smell like the new and improved Febreeze fresh scent." "You know," Nari said thoughtfully, joining them, "I had always wondered about your shirt. I mean, what's with the collar? Have you been biting yourself or something?"

Suddenly, the expression on the insane girl's face changed form one of amusement to one of horror. "HOLY FUDGE MONKEYS!" she shouted, (P/N that's stands for Patrick's note if you were wondering. Also, I'll have you know that **_I_** came up with "fudge monkeys") "NONEOFYOURBUSINESS! YOU'RE DRIPPING MY PRECIOUS PUNCH ALL OVER IRUKA'S NICE FLOORS! DO YOU KNOW HOW RUDE THAT IS?"

Sasuke glared at her, "First of all, it's not my fault I'm dripping your disgusting punch and second of all, didn't you call just learn that my name is Sasuke?" Nari grinned and replied, "No and no, but who cares cuz it's TIME FOR KARAOKE!"

Suddenly all the lights dimmed and a huge stage appeared in the middle of the room. I, Patrick the Great, was on it, and I shouted, "Nari my love! I hope what I have provided for you will give you the most pleasant karaoke experience ever!" Nari stared blankly and managed to get out, "you did all this…for…me?"

Little cogs in her mind began to compute. Boy + expensive presents …. 2+2…PIZZA!

"Well, let's get started!" Nari shouted enthusiastically. Five seconds of uncomfortable silence passed and no one approached the stage. After a moment of thinking, Nari yelled, "Ok! Sakura and Roger! You up first!" "Your wish is my command!" I said and with my supa cool author-type powas I made Sakura and Roger appear onstage, both looking like a mix of shock, sheer horror, and slight indigestion from my dear Nari's punch.

"What are we supposed to sing?" Sakura asked, since Roger was still about to pass out.

"Hmm…" Nari fell deep into thought…(savor it, this is one of the few miraculous times this will happen) "How about…. Funky Town?" "Funky Town?" Sakura said, sweatdropping. "Funky Town…." Nari said threateningly. "Oh, right, Funky Town!" Sakura said, faking a smile. "Yeah," Nari said, "And Roger Here can do the beeping sounds!"

And so….

Roger: boop bee bee boop boop, boop boop bee bee boop. Boop bee bee boop boop, boop boop bee bee boop…

Sakura: Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me

Roger: Boop bee bee boop boop, boop boop bee bee boop…

Sakura: gotta get a movin' let's get groovin' it's a remedy….

Meanwhile with the Mighty Authoress…

Some random person at the party said: O.O dude, who the heck is that?

Host: You mean the one with the Mohawk? Sorry bout that, she's family.

S.R.P.A.T.P: No the one next to her, the on ewho's eating five times her body mass in taco meat.

Host: Holy Fudge Monkeys! MY PRECIOUS TACO MEAT!

It was true, ISAS the psychotic author was currently shoveling down as much taco meat as she could get her neurotic hands on while throwing death glares at anyone stupid enough to approach her in her "delicate" state.

ISAS: Ya know Patrick, (munch munch, glare) I can hear you narrating from here! (snarf gobble, munch) TACO MEAT! (compulsive twitch)

Me/Patrick/Narrator: WHAT? How can you hear me while I'm in your story?

ISAS: YOU'RE IN MY SACRED STORY? RAAAAAAAAAAARGH! (throws down platter of taco meat and dashes out the door)

In ISAS's writing studio…

David: Oooh….the colors! (sitting transfixed at a lava lamp)

ISAS: (bursts in) WHERE IS HE?

David: (snaps out of it) Wuh? What happened?

ISAS: Noooo! He's hypnotized you with a tacky 1960's glowing object! (sobs)

David: I'm okay now, don't worry about me. Just get in the story and save it before it's too late!

ISAS: Yes, you're right. FOR NARNIA! (presses button transporting her into the story)

Inside the story…

Roger had just received the Nobel Prize for "Best Beeping Noises in the Song Funkytown" ever recorded by humankind when a swirling mass of smoke appeared on the stage. "Patrick!" a voice shouted from the oblivion, "You shall pay for screwing up the sacred and all-powerful fanfic!"

"Hey!" I, Patrick the Almighty, protested, "How come when I pressed the button thingy I didn't get cool special effects like that?"

"Because," ISAS answered, the smoke clearing, "I'm way awesomer than you." "Not true!" I retorted, "And awesomer isn't even a word!" "Oh yeah?" ISAS said pulling out a dictionary and writing something in it. "Never mind…" I said, "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I have come to end your reign of stupidity on my Fan fiction!" she yelled. "And just how will you do that?" I asked. "BY UTILIZING ONE OF YOUR MANY WEAKNESSES!" She said opening the door to reveal…

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Well, this whole thing with Patrick being out in the story is cuz he was complaining bout how he didn't get enough recognition and yadda yadda yadda. Anyways, to clear up any confusion, this chappie was written in his POV.

Patrick: ANOTHER CLIFFIE? I didn't put that in!

I did cuz I'M the one with the writing account. Anyways anyways, next time you can look forward to hearing this random quote: "OMFG! IT'S THE KAWAII PENGUIN HUG OF DOOOOOOOOOM!" C yas!


	13. More Karaoke and Cheese Bazookas

Rather than go through the trouble of making an author's note at the beginning of this chapter, I'm just gonna go on with the story….

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ISAS opened the door to reveal… Kakashi.

Kakashi: FREEDOM AT LAST!

ISAS: Whoops, wrong door. (shuts closet door)

Kakashi: NOOOOO!

ISAS: ….Anyway, I SHALL NOW EXPLOIT ONE OF YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESSES! (opens front door revealing…. ITACHI!)

Itachi: Dude, WTF? How did I get here?

Nari: ITAHCI MY LOVE! YOU HAVE COME BACK TO ME! (glomps Itachi)

Patrick: NOOOOO! I'M MELTING!

Sakura: No you're not.

Patrick: Shut up you pink-haired freak!

Sakura: What did you just call me?

ISAS: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! Now can we PLEASE get out of script format? It's starting to get boring.

"Okay…" Patrick said sadly, zapping the story so it was out of script mode. "So I take it everything's back to normal and you don't have a crush on my OC?" I asked. (A/N Yay! Back in my POV! Take that Patrick!) "Heck no!" he yelled, "this just made me more determined to kill Itachi!" "Yay!" Sasuke randomly chered, "I'm not alone!" "Hey buddy," Patrick asked Sasuke, "could I borrow your bazooka?" "Sure, pal."

(A/N How Sasuke got his arrogant little hands on a bazooka, the world may never know.)

"Hey!" Nari shouted, "You can't blow up my boyfriend until he sings his karaoke song!" "Karaoke song?" Itachi asked confuzzedly. (A/N I love that word!) "Yeah!" Nari said, her eyes filled with adoration, "You can sing one of my FAVORITES! Peanut butter jelly time with a bunch of bananas dancing in the background!"

And so…

Itachi: It's peanut butter jelly time

Peanut butter jelly time

Peanut butter jelly time

Where ya at?

Where ya at?

Where ya at?

Where ya at?

Now

There ya go

There ya go

There ya go

There ya go

Peanut butter jell-ay

Peanut butter jell-ay

Peanut butter jell-ay

Peanut butter jell-ay

Do the peanut butter jelly

Peanut butter jelly

Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat

Do the peanut butter jelly

Peanut butter jelly

Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat

However, in the middle of Itachi's…er…"creative" song (A/N Half the readers here won't believe me, but it's a real song) Patrick jumped up onstage and pointed Sasuke's bazooka at him. "Well Nari, my darling idiot, I guess this is goodbye," he said looking at her fondly.

Suddenly, everything went slow-mo with Nari running up to the stage saying, "NOOOOO!" Just as Patrick pulled the trigger, Nari jumped in front of Itachi and took the blow. Then everything wa moving normally again.

"What have I done!" Patrick screamed. "Covered her in cheese." "I what?" he asked. "Covered her in cheese," I repeated, walking over and taking a taste, "Cheddar to be exact." "Ugh," Nari said, sitting up, "What happened? And where did my honey bunches, Itachi go?" The S-ranked Peanut Butter Jelly singer was no where in sight.

All of a sudden the closet door was bashed down and Kakashi laughed maniacally. "I HAVE BEEN FREED FROM MY PRISON THAT SMELLED OH-SO STONGLY OF MOTH BALLS!" He shouted with a disturbing look in his visible eye. "OMG!" he said when he saw Patrick with the bazooka, "They're trying to gang up and kill me again! I'll have to move to another village again and change my name again and—"

"Roger!" Nari said, "Neutralize him!" with that roger the large and over-spoiled penguin lumbered over to the poor man and hugged him tightly. "OMFG!" Kakshi screamed, "IT'S THE KAWAII PENGUIN HUG OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"Why is Kakashi-sensei acting so strangely?" Saskura asked to no one in particular. "It appears there are a few dozen empty bottles of sake in the closet," some random guy pointed out. Let's call him Gregory.

"Jeez, he sure is drunk, isn't he?" Naruto said, "Is he ok?" "Of course Mr. Special Friend is okay!" Nari replied, "Look how happy he is!" "WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kakashi laughed all maniacal again, "WAHAHA—" a few seconds later he passed out from drunkenness and lack of oxygen thanks to the Kawaii Penguin hug of Doom.

"Where'd those author people go?" Sakura asked, looking around. "Oh they left a few seconds ago, one sobbing about cheese murder and the other chanting 'taco meat' over and over again." Sasuke replied in his usual I'm-way-cooler-and-geniusier-than-all-of-you tone.

"Moving on…" Nari interrupted, "Who's my next victim—I mean scape goat—I mean torture monkey—I mean cheese ball—I mean KARAOKE SINGER! Yeah, that's the one, karaoke singer."

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Yay! More karaoke to come! Sorry this was so short, it's just I felt kind of bad about not updating in two weeks. Anyways, in the next chappie you can look forward to Patrick singing the Barney song in a weasel suit and things too disturbing to describe! Also, I just realized I haven't done my disclaimer in a while so here it goes:

I don't own Naruto or any of the sings mentioned in the karaoke. However I do own a cat, a PS2, a Gameboy SP, now let's see here a…


	14. Patrick's Big Break

ISAS: Yay! I got more reviews! Please allow me to take this moment to do the "I Just Got Some More Reviews!" Dance!

I just got reviews

Yes I did

Yes I did

Go readers!

Go Readers!

And yaaaaaaaay cheese!

David: O.O She scares me sometimes.

Patrick: She scares me all the time.

I SCARE LITTLE CHILDREN! OH YEAH! Wait…was that a rhetorical question?

David: We never asked a question.

Patrick: Well, instead of continuing a pointless author's note, why don't we ANSWER some of the reviews?

ISAS: O.O WITH **WORDS**?

Patrick: Preferably.

ISAS: Oh…ok…

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Dax: Thx for the constructive criticism! Anything I can do to make the story better (and more cheese-filled) is widely appreciated.

Kyo: Glad ta know you liked it!

Anime Crasherz: Thx for reviewing you made me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Also, tell Jayjay If Patrick doesn't shut up there'll be an opening for "Other Best Friend/ Assistant".

sesshychick: I'm very thankful that you appreciate my efforts at randomness!

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**QUICK SEMI-IMPORTANT NOTICE BEFORE THE CHAPTER BEGINS**

For as long as I decide to do karaoke, I'll take any and all requests for characters and songs. Thank you that is all.

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"So…" Nari said breaking the next five seconds of uncomfortable silence, "any volunteers? Any at all?"

(**crickets a-chripin')**

"MUST I CHOOSE FOR YOU PEOPLE?" She shouted at the top of her deranged lungs.

This loud outburst promptly woke the unconscious Copy-nin/babysitter, Kakashi,

"Wut? Wuh?" he slurred, "I swear to shinigamilenne I didn't take the applesauce!"

"YAY!" Nari yelled if humanly possible, louder than before, "I HAVE ANOTHER VICTI—I MEAN VOLUNTEER!"

She ran down off the stage and grabbed his arm. Kakashi just sat up and looked all confused and cute and stuff.

"Are you the Satan?" he asked drunkenly. Before he got his answer, the same force that almost exploded his eardrum dragged him onstage.

"Please mommy!" Kakashi randomly shouted, "I don't wanna go to school! I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you!"

"No cookies until you get your gravity-defying hair on this stage and sing us a song!" Nari threatened.

"But the pineapples!" he screamed, "they speak to me!"

"Be that as it may, you still need to SING US A SONG!"

"With WORDS?" Kakashi said looking at her as if she were crazy.

"JUST SING A FREAKING SONG ALREADY!" practically everyone in Iruka's living room replied.

"Oh….ok then…"

But before he could begin whatever song he had in mind (assuming he WAS thinking of a song) he passed out… again…

Suddenly Patrick burst through the door and proclaimed, "I'll sing a song for you Nari!"

Patrick? WTF are you doing in my story? I thought I kicked you out!

"But you said I could go back in!" Patrick protested profoundly.

That was SARCASM! DUH!

"I don't care who sarcasm thinks he is, I'm singing a song for my beloved!" he said with his eyes watering, "CUE LIGHTS!"

The lights immediately dimmed and a spotlight was placed on my dumb assistant.

"This is dedicated to Nari," Patrick said sweetly, then yelled, "AND ISAS STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD!"

Patrick:

I love you,

You love me,

We could make a family,

With a great big hug and a kiss from me to—

PATRICK! IS THAT THE THEME SONG OF—

Everyone except me and Patrick: DON'T SAY IT! IT'S EVIIIIIIIIIL!

"So what if it is?" he asked cluelessly unaware of the evil he had released on society as we know it. "And for the love of shinigamilenne ISAS, stop making me feel bad!"

Meanwhile…

"Kankuro, what do you want? It's three in the morning!" Temari hissed at her brother who had invaded HER room, HER territory, and HER sleep.

Kankuro just gave her an evil grin and held up a poster which read: COME TO NARI'S SUPER FUN SPECIAL FRIEND SLEEPOVER WHERE YOU CAN DEPOSIT YOUR UNWANTED CREEPY SIBLINGS FOR A WHOLE NIGHT!

Temari joined her brother's evil smiling and looked over at the sleeping Gaara.

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Oh dear, what have I done now? looks like next chappie Gaara gets to join the fun. But that's not all! You can look forward to this random quote!

"Well, I'm bored," said Naruto, looking, well, bored. "I have an idea!" Hinata said enthusiastically, which was so unusual that everyone turned and stared at her except Kakashi who was still unconscious. "Why don't we do Kakashi-sensei's hair!"

WAHAHAHAHA! Hinata will be hyper, Kakashi will get his hair done, and Neji will be thrown out a window! Tune in next time to find out!


	15. Of FishBirds, Runaways, and Sake

Yay! I'm ON TIME FOR ONCE!

Patrick: I didn't think it was possible.

Shut up. Why do ya hafta be so negative all the time?

David: I'm not negative.

I wasn't talking to you.

David: Well anyways, here's our new disclaimer!

What do you mean OUR?

David: I meant yours… yeah… yours…

I don't own Naruto but guess what? I now own TWO cats! Their names are Pashmina and Charlie. they're so cuuuuuuuute! .

K, on to reviews and then the oh-so-long-awaited new chapter!

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Kyo's only 1: Tanks 4 reviewin! Also I'll have you know it's your review that made me decide to update so quick.

Duku: You'll see why I made Gaara "asleep" ;-) Teeeerust me. You're also not the only one who corrected that, but that's a good thing! At least I know my readers pay attention to me! Snivel, so happy.

Anonomys: Oh ya! I'm scary! Wait… was that a good thing? 

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"Okay!" Temari said enthusiastically, "let's ship off our sleeping brother! Wait a minute…" Kankuro and Temari looked over at the lump under Gaara's covers.

"But… Gaara doesn't sleep cuz if he does—" Kankuro began, but was interrupted by his sister.

"Shut up!" she said whispering again. She picked up a stick (A/N The phenomenon of a stick miraculously appearing in the middle of a room is like the case of Sasuke and one cheese bazooka…. The world may never know…) and crept over to Gaara's bed. She poked the lump softly. Then she poked the lump a little harder. Feeling frustrated Temari poked the lump as hard as she could.

"OMFG! TEMARI! YOU POKED A HOLE IN OUR ADORABLE DEMON BROTHER!"

"Shut up Kankuro!" she said in a normal voice, "this isn't Gaara." She whipped off the blankets to reveal a pile of sand with one biiiiiiiiig stank.

"Jeez," Kankuro said holding his nose, "Does he hafta use the SAME sand every time to kill people?"

Meanwhile…

Everyone was pretty much about to fall asleep when Nari shouted, "Hey! Where's the creepy guy with the bugs and the trench coat and the quiet girl who I don't know her name?" she waved her arms around for extra…er…Nari-ness…

Everyone turned to the corner where Shino was lying in field position and chanting, "P-p-p-p-peeeeeeenguin…. P-p-p-p-p-peeeeeeeeeeeeeenguin…. P-P-P-P-P-PENGUIN…"

"What's up with him?" Sakura asked sweatdropping. "Oh no," Kiba moaned, "It's happening again!"

"What's happening again?" everyone asked. Kiba cleared his throated and explained, "You see, Shino spends so much time with bugs, he isn't used to larger animals that he couldn't squish if he wanted to—"

"Hey!" Shino protested, but then fell back into field position and continued to chant.

"Anyways," his teammate continued, " Anything larger than his pinky finger freaks him out."

"Fish eat bugs! Birds eat bugs! PENGUINS ARE FISH-BIRDS!" The bug master yelled, another unusual occurrence.

"Ohhhh…. I get it now," said Sakura, "He's just afraid for his bugs' safety! That's it, isn't it?" Roger just sat there dumbly and wondered, _I wonder who this guy is talking about…_

"Actually," Shino said standing and clearing _his_ throat, "It all started when I was a little boy…" It was silent… "I said!" he yelled, "IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY!" His outburst woke up the special affects guy who was sleeping on the job.

"CUE FLASHBACK!" Shino finally said right out. Wavy lines filled the room and an image of a mini-Shino and his parents going to the zoo.

"_Where do you want to go first?" his mother asked. "The penguins!" Little Shino shouted joyfully. And so the three walked over to the penguin pool and he leaned over the side of the gate. However, he leaned too far and fell into the pen._

_He tried to get up but slipped on the ice. But instead of crying, Shino sighed in fascination. Right before him was a real, live penguin. "Penguin buddy!" he exclaimed, getting the Antarctic bird's attention, "Come give me a hug!"_

_The penguin waddled over to the boy, but instead of hugging him, he squawked loudly and chased him around. He was never the same since…_

"And so there you have it," Shino said as the wavy lines calmed once more, "That's why I've been sitting in field position and chanting 'penguin' for the last five hours."

No one responded, simply because no one could. Halfway through Shino's explanation everyone had fallen asleep… except for…

"YAY! I'M HAVING SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!" screamed a voice that woke everyone up. "Could ya keep it DOWN Nari?" Naruto asked rubbing his ears.

"But…" Nari said confusedly, "That wasn't me… for once…" Everyone looked over at where the voice had come from. It was—

Meanwhile….

"Gaara! Gaara! Where are you?" Temari called, getting more and more desperate.

"Well this is a record," Kankuro mused to himself, "we've lost Gaara twice in the same day. Maybe we're bad siblings…" (A/N hold on, if it's three a.m. isn't it the next day? Get your time right Kankuro!)

"No freakin' duh!" Temari yelled back at him, extremely miffed.

"Calm down Temari! Remember what they taught you at therapy for solving problems!" Her brother soothed, "Okay, visualize what you're going to do to solve your problem."

Her breathing slowed and she calmed down enough to say, "I'm going to look for Gaara…"

"Uh-huh," her brother replied, motioning for her to go on.

"And I'm gonna find Gaara."

"Uh-huh."

"And then before he can release his killer sand on me…"

"Uh-huh," Kankuro began to look worried.

"AND THEN I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"

Back at the not so party-ish party…

Everyone was paralyzed with shock, except for Roger, who was paralyzed with his own stupidity… Back to the point, the speaker was none other than Hyuga Hinata.

"COME ON!" she shouted again, "LET'S PAAAAAAAAARTAY!"

Silence…

"Oh dear… this isn't good…" Sakura said walking up to Hinata and taking a bottle out of her hand.

"What is it?" Naruto asked loud and enthusiastically. (as if they hadn't had enough of that by now between him and Nari)

"It appears that Hinata drank some of Kakashi-sensei's sake…"

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Whoo! Go me! I got it the neeeext day! I got in the neeeeext day! Ahem… so what will happen now?

Patrick: Will Temari be able to get better therapy? What will happen now that Hinata had sake? Is Kakashi's precious hai safe? Tune in next time to find out!

Yeah, what he said!


	16. Gaara's Peanut, Twister, and Cooties

Oh… my… Posh (A/N No typo, here, my cat's name is Poshy :-). ) IT"S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE, MAN!

Patrick: What is?

David: She was actually on time for school Friday morning.

GAAAAAH! IT'S SO UNNATURAL!

Patrick: Uh… (sweatdropping) There, there?

David: Why don't we just move along to the chappie…

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Also before I forget….

I do not own Naruto…or Twister… or (unfortunately for me) Kakashi… or (also unfortunately for me) Gaara's teddy bear… yeah…

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We find Temari and Kankuro running around downtown Konoha thinking they heard their brother's voice coming from there…

"It hasta be him!" Temari said, slightly out of breath, "I'd know that maniacal, homicidal, and somewhat adorable laughter anywhere!"

Sure enough, as the two sand nins ran into a dark alley they saw Gaara cornering some poor little boy and screaming, "YA LIKE PEANUTS NOW, TWERP!" From the position he was in, it looked as if he were about to bash his gourd over the kid's head.

"Gaara!" Kankuro shouted, "WTF ARE YOU DOING?"

He looked blank for a moment as he remembered… ahem… I SAID **AS HE REMEBERED! **Once again the special effects guy who is soooo going to be fired woke up and turned on the wavy lines…. So anyways…

_Flashback_

_Gaara had been wandering the streets at night since he wasn't sleeping (oh yeah, really big surprise) when a small child walked up to him from behind and said, "Hey Mister! Is that a peanut on your back? I like peanuts!" _

_Gaara did that creepy 180 head thing and glared at the child evilly, albeit cutely in a murderous way. The child immediately bolted into an alley and Gaara followed him yelling, "IT IS NOT A PEANUT! I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE I'VE KILLED CUZ THEY'VE TEASED ABOUT WEARING A PEANUT ON MY BACK! DOES IT LOOK LIKE A PEANUT TO YOU?" _

_When the kid nodded their head and answered, "Yes.", this only got Gaara madder. He raised his gourd over his head and shouted, "YA LIKE PEANUTS NOW TWERP?" (whoa… deja vu.) (sp?) _

_Then Kankuro yelled, "GAARA! WTF ARE YOU DOING?" And then Gaara looked blank and then—_

"_Hold on a second!" Temari commanded, "We're not supposed to be in the flashback now! It was supposed to end like, 5 sentences ago!" _

_Grrr… BILL! The special effects guy woke up.. again… CUE END FLASHBACK!_

"Oh, okay," Bill replied turning everything back to normal.. er… well as normal as this fic can get, anyway.

Oh, and also Bill…

"Yeah?"

You're fired.

"Oh… okay…"

Meanwhile…

Roger had apparently passed out due to the words "Hinata" and "drank" and "sake" in the SAME SENTENCE. Once Nari had rolled Roge's body out of the way, the group decided to bound and gag Hinata then play a nice game of Twister.

"Left foot, yellow." Shikamaru called, on the verge of falling asleep.

"Idiot, my foot is already ON yellow!" Sasuke retorted in a pretzel-like stance.

"Then you'll just have to put it on another yellow!"

"But Nari's foot is on the closest yellow!"

"Then don't use that yellow."

"But I can't reach any other yellow!"

"Then put it on Nari's yellow."

"WHAT?" Sasuke shouted with a mixture of fear and horror, "I CANNOT TOUCH FEMALE! FEMALE IS EEEEEEEEEEEVIL!"

Shikamaru shrugged and said, "You either put your left foot there or you lose."

The little hamster in its wheel in Sasuke's mind started to run rapidly. _I can't lose or I'll never beat Itachi in Twister! _(A/N Does that make ANY sense?) _But, if I put my foot there I'll touch… FEMALE! Ewwww! Cooties!_ (A/N what's this? Sasuke still believes in cooties?)

"Noneofyoubusiness!" Nari said, waking Sasuke from his own, demented thoughts, "hurry up and make the choice!" His heart racing, the Uchiha slowly moved his foot closer to Nari's. And closer…. And closer… AND CLOSER…. And then a bit further away… but then closer… UNTIL…

"GAAAAAH!" Sasuke screamed as his foot touched Nari's for a split second, "I AM CONTAMINATED!" He jumped off that mat and ran to Iruka's bathroom, where for the next few seconds running water could be heard as well as chants of, "MUST BE CLEEEEEAN!"

Before Sakura could even say, "Oh he's so cute when he's having a neurotic psychological breakdown!" Nari fell over.

Shikamaru announced, "Nari is the winner." Questioning glances and exclamations of "huh?" were exchanged throughout the crownd until he explained, "The idiot put his right foot on yellow."

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I'll probably get around to updating again Saturday or Sunday, but most likely Saturday. What will happen when Hinata escapes from being tied up. Once again, the burning question comes up: Is Kakashi's precious gravity-defying hair safe? Tune in next time to fiiiiiiiiiiiind out!


	17. Insults, Boredom, and Teddy Bears

ISAS: Did I say probably Saturday? Heh heh heh…. Well I have a good reason!

Patrick: Oh reeeeeally?

David: Yeah! What he said. Reeeeeeeeally?

ISAS: I was out getting snacks for the Super Bowl! Yay football! Yay sugar! Yay violence!

Patrick: Yeah, whatever. Why don't we get on with the story before the readers form an angry mob?

David: Oh they've already done that.

Patrick and ISAS: O.O

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(Also note I'm to lazy to reply recent reviews THIS time, but I will next time.)

While Gaara and Kankuro fought over when the flashback was SUPPOSED to stop (A/N cough, BILL'S FAULT, cough) the poor little kid Gaara was torturing snuck away. "Uh…guys?" Temari asked quietly.

However, the two idiots—ahem, let me clarify—the one stupid idiot who plays with dolls and the other idiot who murders people but is still cute in a way didn't seem to hear her.

"Hey!" Kankuro shouted, "they're not dolls! Puppets, PUPPETS!"

Suuuuuure they are. Do you practice your make-up on them before you apply it to yourself?

"IT"S NOT MAKE-UP! IT'S FACE PAINT!"

Of course it is…

"Oh you're good!" Temari gasped out between fits of laughter.

Hey, I wouldn't be laughing if I were you.

"And why not?" she asked snapping out of it.

At least he doesn't wear a giant fan on his back. What's the matter? Can't afford air conditioning?

This got her mad. She was about to yell something back when Gaara spoke up, "Whoever you are, I'll have you know you're a good person."

Why thank you peanut-boy.

Other than go into the details of the gory threats Gaara made to me after that, why don't we check in at the not-so sleepy sleepover? (A/N Ain't sibling rivalry cute?)

Meanwhile…

Sasuke was still obsessively washing his foot from his "close encounter" when everyone came upon a startling question: Where did Hinata go?

"But…" Sakura said, her eyes darting around the room, "She was just here wasn't she?"

"OMG SUPERNATURAL FORCES ARE AT WORK!" Naruto shouted, almost making everyone deaf.

"WAHAHAHA!" they heard a voice laugh from above.

"See? SEE?" Naruto said jumping around. Everyone was about to agree with Naruto's ghost theory, that is until they looked up. Hinata had apparently glued her self to the ceiling and was now laughing for no apparent reason.

The group just stared at Hinata laughing hysterically for a few minutes before the glue gave way and dropped her to the floor.

"Well I'm bored," Naruto announced.

"And I'm Nari! Nice to meet you!" Nari said trying to shake Naruto's hand.

"MY PRECIOUS NARUTO IS BORED?" Hinata yelled jumping up.

"Uh… yeah… and since when am I 'your precious'?"

"THEN I SHALL MAKE YOU UNBORED! I GOTS AN IDEA!"

"okay… what is it?"

"LET'S DO KAKASHI'S HAIR!"

Back to the Sand Sibs…

Once again Gaara and Kankuro were fighting, but this time it was about who the author dissed worse.

"She so got you bad!" Kankuro yelled.

"Na-ah!" Gaara retorted, "She got you worse!" To back up his statement, Gaara summoned some of his sand just cuz he was in a bad mood. Kankuro immediately reacted with fear. He did what any self-respecting ciward would do.

"TEMARI PWEEZ SAVE MEEEEE!"

"Okay Gaara, now calm down!" She said trying her best to sound calm herself, but didn't do a good job.

He still continued to summon his sand and prepare for attack.

"I'll tell dad!" she tried again, but no avail. Finally she decided to push it to the limit.

"Gaara… if you don't stop now I'll… I'll… I'LL HURT MR. TEDDYFUZZUMWUZZUMKABOBBER!"

This made Gaara recoil immediately. "Temari! No! Y-you wouldn't!"

"Oh I would," Temari replied, holding up his teddy bear by the ear.

"Please! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" she asked, her lips forming a smirk.

"ANYTHING!"

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Sorry that was s short, but I have to study for the freakin mastery tests which are freakin stupid and freakin ask to many freakin questions…

Patrick: well while she's thinking up new ways to use the word "freakin", why don't I announce next time's random quote:

"GAARA! WTF DID YOU DO TO HIS GLASS FIGURINE COLLECTION?" "But… " Gaara quietly said, "it was just soooo shiny!"


	18. Hair Styling, Fangirls, and Nejifishing

Oh yeah! Guess who's back?

Patrick: (sarcastically) I don't know who? (rolls eyes)

Shut up Patrick.

Patrick: Na-ah, you can't call me that anymore, remember?

Right, you got your own stupid account…

Patrick: So I shall now be known as… captainpeanuts1 !

David: What about me? (eyes water)

Anyways, I have a REALLY GOOD REASON for not updating in a while. Here it is:

I HATE MASTERY TESTS!

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Yay! Time to reply reviews I should have before!

SHiNiGAMiLENNE- sorry about how short that chappie was, and thanks for wishing me luck! I really really really really really really (5 hours later) really really hate tests…

Kyo's only 1- I'll try to update as soon as I can! Oh wait… I am now! Yay!

Duku- Good luck w/ selling Gaara's teddy bear on ebay. You should the bid at, like a bazillion dollars or something.

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While I go hunt down and kill the person who invented standardized testing, please enjoy my next chapter!

With the Sand Siblings…

"Anything?" Temari asked again, her evil getting eviler and smirkier by the second.

"ANYTHING!" Gaara yelled, desperate to get back his beloved teddy bear, Mr. ….uh… fuzzumwuzzum, whatever his name was…

"Then you have to go to a sleepover for the rest of the night," she ordered.

"That doesn't sound so bad," he said hopefully.

"Without killing anyone," Temari added.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

At the sleepover…

Ino, Sakura, Kurenai, Nari, and Tenten grinned evilly at Hinata's suggestion. She was offering them a chance to do what they did best, and none of them were going to pass it up.

"Yay!" all the females in the room shouted.

"Um… yay?" most of the males in the room mumbled, except for Shino who was hiding in the coffee grinder from Roger. Idiot.

Seemingly out of nowhere all the girls pulled hair-care kits out and cheered some more while running over to their victim/ test subject, Kakashi. (who was still unconscious.)

"Where'd you get that from?" Sasuke asked, eying Sakura's bag thingy full of hair stuff suspiciously. However, she was too busy trying to French braid the copy nin's hair, she didn't respond. Sasuke scowled at being ignored and walked over to the closet to get some of that sake.

Meanwhile….

"Alright, here we are!" Temari shouted enthusiastically as she and her siblings walked up to the front of the apartment complex. Gaara just sulked while holding Mr. Teddyfuzzumwuzzumkawhatever tightly, as if to make sure Temari wouldn't get him again.

Suddenly a huge crowd of fangirls pulled up beside them. "Oh no!" Gaara shouted hiding behind his brother and sister.

"Cool it, Peanut-boy," a girl said, obviously the leader, "we're not after you."

Relaxing a bit, Gaara remembered to be infuriated at being referred to as "peanut-boy" again. However, as soon as he opened his mouth to retort, the leader of the pack put her hand over his mouth and whispered, "We're going Neji-fishing." Sure enough, one of the girls in the crowd pulled out a really big fishing rod with a chunk of cheese at the end.

"Cast the bait!" the leader ordered. The fishing line was thrown up…. And… up.. and up… unti; it flew right through the open window of Iruka's apartment.

Up there…

Neji was pouting over by the window, observing the girl still obsessed with Kakahi's hair and the boys cautiously uncovering their eyes from time to time, but then quickly recovering them and shouting, "GAH! IT'S SO FEMININE!"

Suddenly, a piece of cheese flew through the window and landed at his feet. "Hello, now what's this?" he said reaching down to the delectable piece of dairy.

"But wait!" he said, holding back the hand that reached for it, "It must be a trap!" He stared at its cheesy goodness for a few more seconds before babbling, "It's a trap. It's obviously a trap. It's so obvious it's stupid how obvious a trap it is."

But a small part of Neji's mind kept telling him, "Look at the cheese. It's so… cheesilicious!"

"It's a trap!" he told himself again, but then weakly said, "Oh…. My one weakness…but… can't… give… in… to… temptation…" Finally he just stood up and walked away.

A few seconds later he ran back to his precious chunk of cheddar and hugged it while shouting, "CHEESE!"

Down below, the girl with the fishing rod shouted, "We've got a bite!" "Reel it in!" all the other fangirls replied. The girl tugged and pulled with all her might.

Up in the apartment, Neji struggled against the force, screaming, "Hey! Give me back my cheese!"

On ground level all the fangirls pitched in and grabbed the fishing line, until finally…

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Neji's voice was heard yelling as he fell out the… let's see here…. 20th story window….

"Yay!" the fangirls yelled as Neji was dropped into their waiting arms and carried away.

All through the night, it was heard that a male voice (sounding suspiciously like a certain Hyuga's) was heard shouting, "Put me down! And where's my cheese?"

Back at Iruka's…

The girls squealed in delight as they stepped back and admired their work.

"Yes, this is definitely the best we've ever done," Kurenai announced.

"Agreed," Sakura replied.

"It's so wonderful, " Ino sniffled, wiping a tear.

Sure enough, Kakashi's hair was filled with twisting braids, little ponytails, and uncountable curls and crimps and so on.

"Hey," Tenten suggested, "since he's still out cold, why don't we see what's under the mask?"

Sakura grinned evilly and reached down to her sensei's mask.

Out of nowhere the jounin's hand grabbed her arm. His eye opened slowly and he asked (still drunk), "Rin? …Is that you?"

"Um…" Sakura stammered, still shaken up.

Ino stepped in and said, "There is no one in this household by that name. Are you sure you have the right number?"

"Uh…" Kakashi drunkenly mumbled, "I don't know."

"You should hang up and press zero to get the operator. I'm sure they can help you."

"Ok, that's a good idea," he said, letting go of Sakura's arm and turning over, asleep.

Suddenly, there was a crash behind them. Everyone turned to the source of the noise, which was that Gaara was sitting on the floor next to the door.

"How did you get here?" Nari asked suspiciously.

"My siblings threw me through the window," Gaara replied monotonously.

"Oh… that makes perfect sense!"

Just as everyone turned back around, there was another crash.

"GAARA! WHAT DID YOU DO TO IRUKA'S GLASS FIGURINE COLLECTION?"

"but…" the sand-nin defended feebly, " It was just so shiny…. I JUST HAD TO BREAK IT!"

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Ok… that was a pretty decently sized chapter. THANK YOU FEBRUARY VACATION!

CP: And there's more from where that came from!

David: Yay! I can't wait!


	19. The Party Ends?

Yay! I'm Back again!

David: Yay! She's back again!

Captainpeanuts & Naruto gang: Oh no! She's back again!

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Shar— Thanks for loving my story! (And thanks for hating Bill. Cap'n Just Plain Nuts here says I shouldn't have fired him) And let me know how the search for a new special FX guy goes:-)

Kugatsu Kuro Kyohaku Bara— I think it was a pretty good chappie too, and I FREAKIN LOVE PHOTOSHOP! For no apparent reason, I'll tell you that last week a photoshopped a picture of my cat Pashmina next to the Eiffel tower…. ALSO FOR NO APPARENT REASON! YAY! (And if you actually do photoshop it, I'd LOVE to see!)

SHiNiGAMiLENNE— Thank, well you, I got out of those tests or I would've gone more insane than I am already! Who freakin cares about how important elephants are to society? And also, I wish I could see what was under his mask too. ** Sobs **hm.. if I were describing his face should I say "hotter than the heat of a thousand nuclear bombs" or "Hottter than the flames of the most fiery pyrocinerators" ?

Kyo's Only 1— Update, I shall.

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Please note that since I'm so addicted to playing Ratchet and Clank 4 (aka Ratchet Deadlocked) right now, I MIGHT be a bit late with some other chapters. (also note that the fourth game isn't as good as the first three, in my opinion)

Anyways, so Nari glared at Gaara with so much intensity and hatred it would probably have made him proud if he weren't scared out of his wits.

"But…" he defended again, " I COULDN'T HELP IT, OKAY? I HAVE A CONDITION!"

"It's true," Temari said joining her younger brother, "he DOES have a bit of a condition."

"A BIT of a condition?" Kankuro laughed joining them.

"Okay, where the crud did you all come from?" Nari asked angrily. (A/N uh-oh, somebody's suffering sleep-loss… PREPARE YE SELF!)

"THAT'S IT!" she shouted, now becoming furious for absolutely no reason, "EVERYONE OUT! AND IF I SEE ANY OF YOU EVER AGAIN YOU'LL BE SORRY!"

As everyone left, the crowd was heard mumbling things like, "Jeez, what's HER problem?" and, "Shinigamilenne bless us, what a grouch."

Everyone that is, except for Kakashi, who Nari kicked hard on her way to bed.

"Dumb operator," he mumbled in his sleep, "I said to give me the number of the nearest circus!"

Nari settled down in her guest room for a good night's sleep, but just as she pulled on the covers and got comfortable, she could feel warm rays of sunshine falling on her cheeks.

"no No NO!" she screamed, eyes still closed as she pulled the pillow over her head.

This promptly woke the copy-nin from his light doze. "Ugh," he moaned as he tried to sit up, "Oh my head…" His attempt to sit straight up failed miserably, as his hangover pulsed painfully through his forehead and destroyed all hopes of being able to move for the time being.

"I had the most horrible dream," Kakashi mused to himself, "I had to babysit this weird teenager and then she had a party and at that party I got drunk and a bunch freaks did my hair…" He sighed deeply before concluding, "Ah well, it was only a dream."

Kakashi casually tried running his hand through his hair, but his fingers met plastic. _What the…_ he thought, finally being able to stand up. He rushed to the bathroom (too tired and hungover to realize this wasn't his house) and looked in the mirror.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

Due to lack of oxygen, the jounin collapsed on the floor.

Meanwhile…

The residents of Konoha were extremely puzzled as to why the village's shinobi were so drowsy that morning. Well, all the shinobi except for a certain brunette who had just returned from a long-term mission…

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Yes, I know it was WAY too short, but I just could resist leaving you peoples with a cliffie! I'm actually thinking about another fic I might do after this one, which will involve time travel, sibling rivalry, and if I'm in the mood a bit of romance.

Captainpeanuts: Now's your chance to vote! Should ISAS continue this story for a while longer or should she wrap it up in the next few chapters? Only YOU can decide!

Or I could decide regardless of what you guys say! But that wouldn't be very nice of me… SO VOTE!


	20. Valentine's Day, THE HORROR!

Well, I've decided to continue this story for a while longer. I still have a few good ideas left in me before I'm gonna end it.

Captain peanuts: NOOOOO! I mean…. Yay…

David: I read the first chapter of her next story too. It's actually pretty good.

Captainpeanuts: ISAS? Writing? Good? IN THE SAME SENTENCE?

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Recap: All the village's shinobi are tired, yadda yadda yadda, except for a certain brunette who had returned from her mission. (That's right, I said HER. But I had you going there for a moment, didn't I?)

Anyways, the FEMALE brunette isn't really important to the story, so let's get back to everyone's favorite Copy Ninja!

With Everyone's Favorite Copy Ninja…

Kakashi had just made a shocking and discouraging discovery: Iruka was out of aspirin. In its place was a note that read;

Note-to-self—

Ran out of aspirin due to Nari's visit. Put on shopping list.

Love,

Myself

Kakashi just shook his head for two reasons. A) Iruka needed a better relationship with himself, and B) he wanted to try to shake the hangover out of his head. And the third reason, which shouldn't have been there because I only said there were two reasons, was that the nearest drugstore was across town.

The absolute worst part of the entire ordeal was that he had to meet his students that morning.

Meanwhile…

Nothing too exciting was happening at the bridge, other than the two males of team 7 mumbling in their sleep.

One of them was rambling, "I'm gonna kill you Itachi, if it's the last thing I— snore" while the other babbled, "Ramen, sweeeeeeet ramen. Come to me, my ramen."

You can guess who's who.

Suddenly, albeit quite sleepily, Sakura joined her teammates as she dragged herself over to them and collapsed.

Back to Kakashi…

The jounin weighed the options in his mind. He could either go meet his team without aspirin suffer his intense headache, or he could go to the drugstore and THEN meet his team, making him 2 hours later than his usual tardy arrival.

Unfortunately for him, he didn't have time to make the choice before he turned around and horror struck. The calendar read in big, red, fancy letters: VALENTINE'S DAY.

(A/N Yeah, I know it's supposed to be a few days after Christmas, and I know it's a little late, but work with me here, peoples!)

Several words escaped the silver-haired man's lips, "Oh… my… SHiNiGAMiLENNE…"

Back at the bridge…

Three sleepy genins awoke to find that their sensei had (as usual) not shown up yet. That was when Sasuke managed to steal a glance at a nearby calendar shop (how…. Convenient? --- Evil grin---)

His teammates were shattered from their own thoughts as the usually stoic Uchiha screamed, "FOR ALL THINGS HOLY AND SUGAR-RELATED! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

As Naruto was still trying to figure things out (cough—slow mind –cough) Sakura chanced upon seeing the very same calendar shop. Instantly she jumped up and ran after him yelling, "Wait! Sasuke-kun! Come back to me!"

Meanwhile…

Kakashi, wielding the ever-trusty Priscilla the Amazing Non-stick Frying Pan, crept slowly into the living room and cautiously approached the couch. Scarcely breathing, he tipped it over and starting blindly swinging at where it was only moments before. Nervously, he opened one eye. (as if he could see through the other) _Phew! _He thought, _no rabid fangirls!_

It was true, as Kakashi had gotten older his fan clubs had quieted down, but only to a certain point. And this was one of their favorite days to strike the lovable copy-nin…

Relieved, the jounin sank into a chair behind him. But wait. He didn't remember a chair being there before. Yells of "GET HIM!" were heard resounding around the small apartment.

In the other room, a certain loudmouth's slumber was not disturbed as crashes and booms and the sound of quiet elevator music reached her ears. Nari simply turned over and got even more comfortable in the guest bed.

Back in the living room, Kakashi wasn't going down without a fight. What he sat on was not a chair, a but a really big wad of bubblegum (A/N Don't ask ;-) ) Though it was sticky, he was still able to free himself of it before the first fangirl struck. While the rest of the fangirls searched the living room, Kakashi was whimpering behind the kitchen counter, his heart racing furiously. Suddenly, a surge of courage ran through him.

"What is this?" he asked himself, "I'm one of the best jounin around, I'm not gonna let a bunch of over-zealous fan people intimidate me." Now, as we all, know, ideas are very dangerous things. Particularly ones concerning hostile take-overs, squirrels, and world domination. But let's not get into that. The dangerous idea that had somehow entered our beloved Kakashi's head was to stand up (and you know how most apartments have the little kitchen/ living space window) in full view of his attackers and tell them to please go away.

Unfortunately for him, as soon as he opened his mouth while under the fangirls' gaze, a wad of bubblegum was fired at his face. Finger still in air in a declaritive manner, he slowly lowered himself back behind the counter. Oh yeah. NOW he remembered why he was afraid of his fan clubs.

With Sasuke…

Back pressed against the wall of a dark alley, Sasuke breathed heavily. He was lucky they hadn't found him already, those few hours when he was asleep. Wait. What if they already HAD? Terrible thoughts ran through the Uchiha's mind and all were dismissed except for one. This was all a trick. The building he was leaning against was probably their headquarters! And that means they already knew he was there! And—(once again, don't ask. How am I supposed to understand the logic of Sasuke's twisted mind? Lol)

To the people walking around the outside of the alley, it seemed that out of nowhere Sasuke's voice yelled, "AHA! I SEE THROUGH YOUR CHEAP TRICKS, YOU INSANE FANGIRLS! HA HA! AND YOU THOUGHT I'D FALL FOR IT!"

Hearing Sasuke's voice for the first time that day, practically all the females in the crowd twitched. Hearing the growing thunder of many feet and the shrieks of delight, the poor Itachi-hater could only manage two words. But only one of them is appropriate for young audiences.

"Aw—"

BEEEEEEEEEP

TECHNICAL DIFFCULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY.

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There you have it, my next chappie. Pretty lengthy compared to my last few, thank you very much.

David: You're Welcome.

Captain Peanuts: Hey ISAS, what about that other story you were talking about?

Oh, why thank you for reminding me Cap'n. Next chappie I might just have to sneak in a preview…


	21. The HORROR Continues!

Yay! I've made it to the twenties chapter wise! Go me! Go me! Ahem. Anyways, my excuse --I MEAN-- REASON for this chapter is because being the strange and complex genius I am, I was watching Looney Toons yesterday. Bugs bunny, Daffy duck… sigh… Gooooood times.

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Fortunately for our deranged ninja prodigy. Sasuke, he remembered just before his crazed fangirls pounced that he was, indeed, a ninja. So with this in mind, he promptly POOFED away from the scene, leaving many women in dismay.

In another section of Konoha…

Not too far away, Gaara was trying to escape the same fate as the poor ninja Pooky. He had brains, strength, talent, and dashing good looks. However, one day his fan club abducted him and he was never seen again…

A single tear fell from Gaara'a eye in respect for the great hero, but soon his thoughts were disrupted by the screams of his fans, who were saying, "GIVE US YOUR TEDDY GAARA!"

"NO!" Gaara yelled right back at them, "YOU SHALL NEVER LAY YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON MR. TEDDYFUZZUMWUZZUMKABOBBER!"

Thar being said, (screamed,what's the difference?) the sand-nin POOFED himself away.

At the exact same time, Sasuke and Gaara UNPOOFED in the middle of Konoha, surrounded by their fans.

"Well that proved to be most ineffective," Gaara stated bluntly while trying not to appear as if he had just wet himself.

Sasuke, being a genius -- a demented genius -- but nonetheless a genius, came up with a brilliant plan to get his fangirls out of his hair. "Hey!" he shouted, "Don't you know it's illegal to glomp me when I'm out of season?" Murmurs ran through the crowd and the fangirls exchanged glances.

Smiling that his plan was working so far, he continued, "And right now, it's obviously Gaara season, so go ahead. Glomp HIM."

Various fangirls started to bolt toward Gaara, but at the last second Gaara screamed, "WAIT! Don't listen to him. I'M the one who's out of season! It's Sasuke season, and don't let him convince you otherwise!"

Immediately, the girls going after Gaara switched gears and starting running at Sasuke.

"It is NOT Sasuke season!" he protested, "It's Gaara season!"

"No it isn't!" Gaara egged the girls on.

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO IT IS NOT!"

"No it isn't!"

"YES IT IS!... wait… oh crud…" Gaara whimpered at the sight of his fangirls preparing to strike, when suddenly…

"Hold it right there!" Nari yelled, pushing her way through the crowd, "As the game warden, I say it's not Sasuke season OR Gaara season.

Everyone except Sasuke asked, "Then what season is it?" However, the Uchiha asked, "Nari is a game warden?"

"Yes I am, Noneofyourbusiness," the insane teenager said walking into the center, "And I decree this season to be…" she paused as she put up a huge poster on the nearest surface and then proclaimed, "Kakashi season." And so it was. The giant poster she hung had a picture of Kakashi's masked face and in bold letters read: KAKSHI SEASON NOW OPEN.

All the fangirls who were previously stalking Gaara and Sasuke stampeded out of the center of the village to find their next prey…

Meanwhile…

Nari had just gotten back from saving Sasuke's arrogant butt from certain death/glomping and looked at the calendar in Iruka's kitchen. (dun dun dun)

When she saw what day it was (cough—valentine'sdayforthosewhoforgot—cough) she immediately called Itachi. To her extreme dismay, it went to answering machine.

_Hello, you have reached Itachi of the Ataksuki. I probably can't get to the phone right now because I'm either killing people OR killing people to get a demon in some way, shape, or form. Feel free to leave a message. And also, Sasuke, please stop calling and leaving me death threats. Thanks. BEEEEEEP_

"Hi," Nari began as the phone started recording, "It's me, Nari. I was just wondering… WANNA GO OUT WITH ME FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AND IT WOULD BE LIKE SO TOTALLY ROMANTIC AND WE COULD GO OUT FOR DINNER AND DANCING AND SEE A MOVIE AND YOU COULD BUY ME CHOCOLATES AND I COULD FORCE YOU TO WEAR A TUX AND—" _BEEEEEEEEP. _The message time limit ran out and Nari sat smiling derangedly while she awaited a return call.

For several miserable minutes, the insane girl waited for her so-called boyfriend to call her back, and after those several miserable minutes the phone rang. Completely confident that it was Itachi, she enthusiastically picked up the receiver. However, the voice was not that of the only other living Uchiha.

_Hey! I'm here to tell you about our great, great deals on—"_

"I DON'T WANNA JOIN YOUR RING OF TERRORISTS MR. AL QUADA!" Nari shrieked into the phone before she slammed it back down. (A/N Thank you, daily comics.)

"Stupid telemarketers…"

Strangely, as Nari had walked into the cheese-encrusted kitchen, she hadn't noticed the dust clouds, thumping, and shrieking coming from the living room. Thankfully for Kakashi, he spotted the barrel of a familiar bazooka.

He smiled under his mask and said, "Oh yeah, that's the bazooka that author boy left behind!"

(CP: Hey! I'm not insane! I'm a REAL BOY!)

He quickly dashed over to the closet and pointed the bazooka at the feuding fangirls.

"EAT CHEESE!" he shouted as he released gobs of gooey goodness at them.

Instantly the hitting/ punching/ rock-paper-scissoring subdued as the females watched their prey throw cheese at them.

Kakashi laughed maniacally and pulled the trigger for all he was worth, unitl…

Click click, click click. He looked down at where the clicky noise was coming from and realized he had run out of ammo.

"Aw—"

He had no time to make the latter statement before he became submerged in what seemed like a never-ending sea of fangirls.

Meanwhile…

"Between you and me, Sasuke," Gaara began while glaring (as usual), "What season is it really?"

"Oh," Sasuke smiled for once, "EVERYONE knows it's REALLY Sasuke season." His face went pale and he immediately regretted saying such. For a crowd of rabid fans had materialized out of thin air and were trying to catch him.

"Aw—"

But Sasuke had no time to complete his statement due to the mighty authoress switching settings. FEAR ME!

Naruto was sulking at the bridge and contemplating why HE didn't have so many fangirls.

He sighed and exclaimed, "Aw—"

But he had not time to finish his exclamation because at that moment, Sakura ran over to him and asked frantically, "HAVE YOU SEEN SASUKE!"

"Sasuke….Sasuke…" Naruto mumbled while scratching his head, "Nope, never heard of him."

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Sakura screamed, "YOU PROBABLY DO KNOW WHERE HE IS AND YOU'RE JUST GIVING ME A HARD TIME!"

"No, ya think?"

Sakura's temper was rising rapidly.

Just goes to show you sleep-deprived Naruto and sleep-deprived Sakura don't mix very well. With that, Sakura stormed off to find her preciousssss… (Excuse for that, Mr. Tolkien.)

Back at Iruka's, Kakashi couldn't help but feel as he was dragged along the floor that something even worse was about to happen to him. And was he ever right…

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CP: Oh no, what are you going to do to poor Kakashi NOW?

That's for ME to know, and YOU to find out! WAHAHAHA! And also, I'm still editing the preview so I'll throw it in eventually. It's going to an attempt at something a bit more serious, but still with humor.

David: It's actually sort of a spin off of one of her original stories that she's too last to post.

Yeah, it is…. Hey… how'd you know that?

David: Uh… internet? Inheritence? I inherited the internet!

Riiiiiiiiiiight. So anyways, TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT HOW I TORTURE MY BELOVED KAKASHI!


	22. Kakashi Has A Diary?

Hi guys. I'm sososososososososososososo sorry for not updating so late, it's quite unlike me. Well, er actually, it is.

**Flashback:**

**Arriving late for school. Hall monitor yells at me.**

**Flashback:**

**Arriving late for class. Teacher yells at me.**

**Flashback: **

**Arriving late for… well, everything. Parents yell at me.**

Well, you get the picture. But please do not let my chronic tardiness spoil the next enticing installment of "Meet Nari!"

P.S. Mastery Tests SUCK!

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"Well," the leader of the KFC (Not Kentucky Fried Chicken, Kakashi Fan Club), "Now that we've captured the almighty one, what should we do with him?" She motioned towards Kakashi, who was at the time all tied up and hanging from the ceiling. Yup, he was just hanging out. Ha ha. Get it? Hanging out? Ha…ha… whatever…

Murmurs ran rampant among his insane fangirls, until one of them shouted, "Let's make him tell us his deepest darkest secrets!" Another shouted, "Let's invade his private life!" Yet another shouted, "Let's read his diary!"

The room went silent. "That's a great idea!" the leader-person exclaimed.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Kakashi said, halting the meeting, "What makes you so sure I even HAVE a diary, WHICH I'M NOT IMPLYING I HAVE!"

Once again the fangirls began to whisper and contemplate the inquiry. One finally shouted, "You're HOT!" Though it had nothing to do with the question, it seemed reason enough for them to search the copy-nin of all possessions. Only two books were found, both supposedly copies of Icha Icha Paradise.

"One of them has to be the real diary in disguise!" the leader announced. The other girls murmured in agreement as Kakashi began to get worried. All of a sudden, Tsunade walked in.

"What are you people doing in the conference room?" she asked suspiciously, "Do you have a reservation?" The fan club nervously exchanged glances.

"Oh, hi Kakashi, I didn't see you up there," she said quickly before resuming her accusing glare at the intruders. "Hi," Kakashi replied casually. While swinging back and forth on the cord suspending him from the ceiling.

After a long and uncomfortable pause, a fangirl spoke out, "Mrs. Tsunade Lady Person Who isn't Kakashi, we were just about to play a game of… luck…"

Instantly a change in disposition was visible in the notorious gambling addict. "Now just what kind of game would this be?" She asked trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"It goes like this," the fan club- president person, "You see two books in front of you. One of them is Kakashi's icky er… adult novel and the other is his diary."

"Ooh! ooh! Let me try!" Tsunade shouted, jumping around like a child in a toy store, "The one on the left!"

"…Which means it's really the one on the right," a random person finished.

"But—" All of a sudden a rip in the space-time continuum was opened and swallowed her up before closing again. A few weeks later she was found wandering aimlessly on the beaches of New Zealand, dazed and confused. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

A really loud heart-beat was heard as the fangirl closest to the book on the right side slowly reached for the cover…

"Could ya keep it down over there!" She shouted as the camera zoomed across the other side of the room to show a science class on the human heart. "Why don't you?" the teacher yelled back, then continued, "And that class was a very loud simulation of a beating heart."

As the camera zoomed back to the half of the conference room being used for the fan club, the fan-person opened the book to a random page. It was a diary. What a BIG SURPRISE!

"This one's from a while ago," the girl said, "Ahem.

_Dear Diary,_

_The Big Fat-head said I hafta go meet another group of brats today. Jeez, when is he ever gonna learn I'm not passing anyone? I mean, wake-up old man. Lol. Anywayz, here is my artistic interpretation of the Fat-head…"_

Underneath was a doodle of the Third, who was so to speak, more than a little overweight at the time of the drawing. Next to it was an arrow that said "Big Meanie Fat-Head"

An evil smile formed on the fan club's faces. With this unmatched power, WHO COULD STAND IN THEIR PATH?

Tune in next time to find out!

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Ok, I know that was short. I apologize for that. However, this is what you get from an entire week of testing, an all night caffeine spree, and a trained monkey with the ability to annoy people.

CP: But… ISAS, we don't have a trained monkey that can annoy people…

I was talking about you. But enough of that lot, next time you'll read about how the fangirls go on a rampage with Kakashi's diary as a hostage and as a preview to my next story, how Tsunade meets my OC's in New Zealand! May the Numa be with you all.


	23. Tsundae's Adventure in New Zealand

Weeeeee! I dunnit! I gotts it in! Uh, yeah. Anyways, sorry I couldn't respond to reviews last time but I'll get it to it… eventually.

CP: Knowing her, probably never.

Shut up stupid assistant person.

CP: Hey! Leave David out of this!

David: Wuh? Was someone talking about me? I heard my name.

Go back to sleep, David. AND YOU cap'n, be useful for once and shut your pie-hole.

David: I like pie.

SLEEP I SAY! Anyways, this chapter will have three very SPECIAL guests! (cough-builtinpreviewfornextstory-cough)

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As we said, Tsunade woke up on a nice beach in New Zealand after being swallowed by a rip in the space-time continuum. At the time we check in on her, we find her at a hot dog stand.

"Wait wait wait!" she yelled at the cashier, "I change my mind! I'll have a jumbo hot dog with—oh wait no! Uh, hold on let's see here…"

"Could you move it along, mate?" the cashier said with an accent, "the line's not getting any shorter, ya know."

"But I know what I want now, a—" she was cut off as a security guard escorted her to the other side of the beach. (Why would a hot dog stand need a security guard? It's one of… NATURE'S MYSTERIES! --Ratchet and Clank 3 reference…-- )

"Well this is just great," she mumbled to herself, "First I have a bunch of crazed fangirls in my conference room, then I get sucked into a hole in space and time, AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN GET A HOT DOG? Man, I guess I'm just having one of those days…"

Just as she was about to start THINKING for once (shinigamilenne forbid), she saw three strange-looking figures standing not too far away. The reason they looked rather strange was… well, not many people were wearing full body-armor and dark cloaks on the beach that day. As Tsunade approached, she could hear the middle of a conversation. The shortest person was whining in a muffled voice, "I'm just saying, if they could put a freaking super-computer data-bank in, why couldn't they put air conditioning in these freakin' suits?"

The second tallest in the group replied, "Leonid, I know it's hot, but we have to wait here until the mighty authoress commands to begin her next story." That voice sounded more feminine, though still muffled as if by some cloth or other material.

The third, and tallest, turned to the other two and complained, "Could you please stop talking? I'm trying to rewire the warp generator! One small mistake and a rip in time and space could swallow up some random person and strand them on this beach too!"

"Hm…" Tsunade began to… oh no the dreaded word! THINK!

"But it's sooooo hot!" the one who apparently was named Leonid whined. "Then take your hood off!" The tallest practically screamed, "Just be quiet!"

Immediately Leonid pulled down his hood, revealing short, light-brown hair. The other soon followed and revealed a pony-tail of dark brown hair, confirming that she was indeed, female. The third seemed so absorbed in what he was holding (supposedly a warp generator, whatever that is) that he didn't follow suit to his companions, though it was dreadfully hot.

Tsunade quickly made the decision that since these people were probably the ones responsible for getting her there, they would probably be able to get her back.

She slowly approached and…

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Oh dear, another cliffie. I really AM bad. And on top of it this chappie was pretty short. Oh well. Also, for those who didn't take the hint, these are the OC's from my next story. There's a lot to explain about that, so I'll do it next chappie.

Here's a bit of feedback for reviews:

**Essyllus**—Thanks for the opinion! I actually noticed that a bit myself. The thing that I haven't really told you guys is I started this fic for my little brother (also a Naruto fan), and he (as well as my peers CP and Davey) gave me a bunch of ideas. Me, being the kind who likes to do things fast and squish things in, tried to smush them all together in the later chapters and kind of let plot take backseat. If you like non-confusing, you'll probably like my next story better.

Note: The Christmas Play chappie was supposed to be humorous through picturing it, sorry I didn't mention that, My bad.

**Anything For You—**Thankies! OMG! NOT THE KAWAII NO JUTSU! Can't… resist… making… new chapter…

**Tee—**Thx! I like to read my sh too! Wait… that didn't come out right, did it?


	24. Escape From New Zealand!

I am so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for being so long on this chappie. David recently moved and he hasn't returned any of my phone calls or emails. IS MY ASSITANT ALIVE?

CP: Who cares. Let's just this chapter started before your readers get any madder at you.

Disclaimer: I own Adnamia, Soums, and Leonid. They are mine. I do not own Naruto, Mystery Science Theater 3000, or Fullmetal Alchemist. I did have this really cool dream once where I owned them though….

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Anyways, so I believe I just left off where Tsunade was approaching my three OC's from my own story after they accidentally stranded her on a beach in New Zealand….

Tsunade walked up to Leonid and asked, "Excuse, but did you by any chance accidentally transport me here by use of some sort of machine thingy?"

The boy turned around and looked at the old woman (THAT'S RIGHT I SAID OLD!) with cerulean eyes and replied, "Oh, did we? I'm very sorry. Adnamia!" He nudged his companion, who appeared to be lost in thought.

"What? Huh? Oh right," she said collecting herself and brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face, which was dyed green, of all colors. (I like the color green, BTW) "Sorry if we inconvenienced you in any way," she apologized. Suddenly, her expression changed. "BUT SINCE YOU KNOW ABOUT THE GENERATOR YOU MUST DIE!" Seemingly out of nowhere, Adnamia pulled out a gun and aimed it at the poor, confused ninja.

"Put that thing away!" The tallest scolded, he then turned to Tsunade and said, "Please excuse my sister. She has rather violent tendencies." Tsunade had to admit he was pretty good-looking. He seemed about 20 years old and had dark brown hair down to his glasses. And was that an earring on his left ear ?

"But Soums!" Adnamia protested, also revealing the name of her brother, "How do we know she doesn't work the military and is out to kill us for using illegal technology?" Her brother sighed, and went back to working on the warp generator.

"Oh please," he said absently while he worked, "the odds that we landed ourselves in a time or place that we're wanted by soldiers is virtually impossible."

Tsunade was growing rather annoyed that they were talking as if she weren't even there. Finally she spoke up, "Can you please get me back to my own place, or time, or whatever you got me from?" There was no response from either of the three siblings. "AHEM!" Tsunade said loudly, trying to get their attention.

"There!" Soums said, looking proud of himself, "That should be all the necessary adjustments. It should be working fine now." He turned to Tsunade and said, "I think it'll work properly now, but we should test it just in case." He pushed a few buttons on the blinking device and… WHAMMO! (Sigh, I love that word ) A bright light blinded them for a few moments until….

"Mike! Look! We escaped from the Satellite of Love!" A gold skinny robot shouted to a guy in a blue jumpsuit and another robot with a gumball machine for a head. (That's right, it's Mike and the Bots from MST3K!)

"Phew," Mike sighed, "If I have to watch another bad movie ever again I'll—" However, Mike's sentence was interrupted by Soums saying, "Oops, I guess that wasn't right either…" He fiddled with the device some more and…. WHAMMO! (I just can't get over how much I love that word!)

In the place of the reluctant movie critics stood none other than Edward and Alphonse Elric in the flesh… I mean, one is partially in flesh, and the other is a soul inside armor…. WHATEVER!

"Huh? What's going on?" Ed said looking around. "Big brother," Al asked, "What kind of alchemy is this?" "I don't know," the blonde-haired boy replied, "but I don't like it."

"Alchemy?" Leonid said looking puzzled, "What's that?"

"I'll show ya," Ed said, about to clap his hands together in demonstration. However, before he could do so Soums flicked a button and said, "It's gotta work this time!" WHAMMO!

Another worm-hole appeared, and just before Tsunade was sucked into it, Leonid shouted, "I hope we didn't mess up your timeline too much!" With a blinding flash of light, she was poofed back into the conference room. But something was wrong…. There were no rabid fangirls. The room was filthy and overgrown with weeds and plants in some places. Bewildered, Tsunade walked out the door to see what happened. The things she saw caused her to shriek in pure horror….

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I is a baaaaaaaaad girl… after all this time I left you with another cliffie. Tell ya what, I'll have Cap'n spoil the fun and tell you what happened, but he won't go into detail.

CP: They thought they hadn't messed up the timeline that much, but they were wrong… ever so wrong… They created a world… a world where Nari is the supreme ruler! Oh no!


	25. A World Gone Terribly, Terribly Wrong

I'm back again. Guess what? DAVID RETURNED MY EMAIL FINALLY! Sniffle… I miss him even so…

CP: Oh just get onto the reviews already.

Okay!

**Scorpion-demon—**Don't worry, I probably won't do it again… at least until it comes time for my finals…. Cringe… Oh and since you were wondering, David moved to California. WHY CAN'T I BE IN CALIFORNIA?

**Aura the Alchemist—**It's nice being back. OMG! YOU HAVE AN ED PLUSHIE! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! (remembers what parents told me about not stealing) I MEAN…. Hi… anyways, Ed and Al are gonna be in this chappie too!

**Kugatsu Kuro Kyohaku Bara—**I hope when you freaked out you didn't hurt yourself, cuz if you did then it's legally my fault… I BLAME DAVID! Yay! Seesaws! And last but not least, be afraid of what Tsunade saw. Yes, be VERY afraid…

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Tsunade screamed as she saw the terrible sight of… a pink pony ranch? Hold on... did I say she shrieked with HORROR last chapter? I kinda sorta meant shrieked with DELIGHT. Come on, any one of you would of made the same mistake!

"It's so pink and fluffy and wonderful!" Tsunade exclaimed as she walked over to a bubbling brook of chocolate, where a lavender unicorn was drinking. (Ugh… I'm getting disgusted just TYPING about this place. The chocolate would be nice, though.)

Uh, yeah. And that's when Tsunade realized she had hit her head and the door and was actually still inside the demolished conference room. Praying to shinigamilenne that the pink ponies would still be there when she opened the door, it slowly creaked open to reveal… a wasteland of old socks, cardboard, old Gwen Stefani CD's, a designer scarf here and there, and an busted up latte machine.

"Something…" Tsunade mumbled, "is terribly wrong here." As she walked on, she reached burned out buildings, all over there were signs with Nari's face on them saying, "The Grand High Nuisance is watching you!" "What kind of terrible place IS this?" she shouted, causing birds to fly out of a charred tree.

All of a sudden, someone on a motorcycle and a blaring siren pulled over next to her. A person who appeared to be wearing an officer's uniform got off and took off her helmet, revealing familiar pink hair.

"Sakura! I can't tell you how great it is to see a familiar face around here! What happened?" Tsunade said with relief.

"The OFFICER Sakura to YOU!" The kunoichi said with a creepy smile on her face, "And what do you mean what happened? It has always been this way since the Grand High Nuisance brought justice to this beat up town!"

"Um… Ignoring the beat-up part," Tsunade said, getting more disturbed by the moment, "Why are you smiling?"

Sakura laughed and replied, "Oh that reminds me why I have to arrest you! The Grand High Nuisance has proclaimed every Monday to be undying cheerfulness day!" In a creepy voice she shouted, "ISN'T IT CHEERFUL?"

"Uh, no" Tsunade cringed, "Disturbing is more like it…" "SILENCE!" over-cheerful Sakura growled through clenched teeth, which were still in a creepy smile, "The Grand High Nuisance has ordered that all who oppose be imprisoned immediately."

Having not caught-on yet (it was kind of blatant from the posters, but alas) the Lady Hokage asked, "Who is this Grand High Nuisance person anyway?"

Sakura just laughed as she dragged Tsunade through the filthy streets to a large, sinister castle where her office once stood. At the door of the castle, Sakura rung a doorbell which played "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" for about five minutes before the door swung open. From then, it was no turning back; Tsunade was dragged into the darkness to a large throne room. "I have another lawbreaker, your annoyance!" Sakura shouted cheerfully to the Grand High Nuisance, who was seated on a throne decked in glitter and Christmas lights. (If you don't know who it is already, then seriously, look back a few paragraphs)

"Wahahahahaha!" Nari laughed maniacally, "I would send her to the tickle chamber, but it's full…" As if by cue, shrieks erupted from a room off to the left such as, "NO STOP! HA HA! IT… HEE HEE… GAH! HA HA!"

"So…." She continued, you'll just have to be locked in my throne room to entertain me for all eternity."

"You'll never get away with this Nari!" Tsunade shouted as she was stuffed in to a jail cell.

Nari just yawned and said lazily, "Officer Sakura, the prisoner is boring me. Bring in the jesters!" Sakura saluted and walked off to some other part of the castle. "Come here often?" she said to Tsunade. She just glared in response.

After another lengthy and uncomfortable pause, (my writing is just full of them, isn't it?) Sakura dragged Naruto and Sasuke into the room and dropped them at Nari's feet. "What are you waiting for?" the idiot yelled, "Entertain me!"

"Okay so seven rats go into a hardware store," Naruto began, "And then they died." Nari just stared at him with wide eyes, until he pulled out a water gun and squirted Sasuke with grape jelly.

"Ha ha ha!" Nari laughed, "That's a good one! Tell another one!" Naruto flashed a toothy grin and said, "Okay, so a monkey, Avril Lavigne, and a walking banana walk into a bar, and then they exploded!" Once again, Sasuke got squirted with jelly, and once again it was met with Nari's roaring laughter.

"Oh man, that's good!" Nari said, "That will be all, jesters." With a bow from Naruto, and a death glare from Sasuke, they left the room. "SLAVE!" Nari shouted.

"Sigh… yes your annoyance?" Kakashi said exasperatedly as he eetered. "Fetch me the Elrics!" she ordered, "And get me a Boston cream donut… or it's off to the tickle chamber with you!"

A few moments later Kakashi reappeared with Ed (Squeeee!) and Al (SQUEEEEE!). "WTF?" Ed said, still bewildered, "Where are we?" Nari just laughed maniacally as Al whimpered, "Brother, she's scaring me!"

"Slave! Use your genjutsu to make them do the chicken dance!" the insane ruler of the universe commanded. Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow and sighed, "You have GOT to be kidding me. That is a COMPLETE waste of my skills. There is NO WAY I'm gonna—"

Nari glared and pointed to the tickle chamber. Again, is if by cue (I don't know, maybe it really IS by cue…) a howl of, "NO! TOO. HA. MUCH. HA. TICKLING!"

"Right away," he said sweatdropping. After I few hand signs and a few yells from Al saying, "What? NO! I can't dance! I have two left—" However, our whimsical-suit-of-armor-friend was stopped in mid-protest by the unfightable urge to sing, "I don't wanna be a chicken I don't wanna be a duck so I shake my—" However THAT was interrupted by a small explosion (Jeez, what's up with all the interruptions?) and a blinding light in the middle of the room.

There stood Adnamia, Soums, and Leonid, all three of which were busy yelling at each other about shinigamilenne knows what…

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Next time! Will Adnamia come up with an ingenious plan to save the world? Or will Nari's idiocy conquer all? Will the Elric brothers be freed from the evils of the chicken dance? Will I ever stop talking?

CP: I know the answer to that last one. (Puts a strip of duct tape over the insane authoress's mouth)

Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph!

CP: She said stay tuned to find out. I LOVE CABBAGE!


	26. Bagged Siblings and Ballerina Alchemists

Here we go again! More randomness, more insanity, and a 50 increase in sugar!

CP: (mumbling to himself) I COULD be playing Runescape right now, but NOOOOO. The stupid authoress says I have to ASSIST her or something…

Ahem, please excuse Mr. Assistant-Who-Will-Also-Be-Filling-In-For-David; he can become quite testy… (glares)

CP: What? That wasn't part of the contract!

Heh, ya should've read the fine print. Anyways, ReViEw TiMe!

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**Kuro Bara**—That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside: )

As far as un-flammable goes, heh, well I'm not so sure about that. I found like a bazillion sp/grammar errors when I went through and sometimes I don't feel like I said things right. But hey, I guess everyone's their own worst critic. Oh, and out of blatant curiosity, what's your other favorite anime?

**AFY**—You want a tickle chamber too? My brother told me I was the only one! Ha! Excuse me while I go rub it in his face!

**Aura the Alchemist—**Aw, you don't? Oh well . (My mom's actually really good at sewing stuff, so maybe I can convince her to make Edo-kun. **pretends to hug invisible Ed plushie**) Anyways, scary and humor DO make a weird combo, (especially since I was going more for humor) and I got this idea from a really bad movie about time travel when this guy went back in time and changed something and came back to find his rival was king of the world. Though it stunk big time, it did give me inspiration! (P.S. next chappie you'll see how all those random people got there thanks to Soums's er… genius-y-ness)

**Scorpion-demon—** Don't worry, Itachi will come in soon! Not this chappie but DEFINITELY next chappie ;-)

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We left off on our wonderful, whimsical, happy fairytale where Princess FluffyMcChocosyrup was on a happy happy journey to the castle of powdered sweets, where everything was HAPPY! …or was it… (cough) At least, that's how the story WOULD go if a certain nutcase hadn't taken over the world. (Sniffle, why can't **_I_** be that nutcase? T-T)

Who knows? Maybe the story wouldn't have gone that way even if Nari hadn't taken over the world. But that's NOT why we're here, now is it? No, you want to read about how my three wonderful OC's save the poor Elric brothers from Nari's clutches, right? Well, I gots news for yas. As soon as Adnamia, Soums, and Leonid appeared in Nari's throne room, they were captured (got burlap sacks thrust over their heads, what's the difference?) and were in no way capable of saving our beloved alchemists…

"Wahahaha!" Nari laughed at Ed and Al, "No one can save you from the wrath of my slave's genjutsu! Not even a bunch of weirdos from the future!"

"Weirdos?" Leonid said dejectedly from within his sack.

The three siblings were indeed lucky that their vision was obscured by the burlap sacks; for the horror that lay beyond was far more terrible than being imprisoned by a moldy-smelling piece of cloth. That's right: Kakashi's genjutsu had convinced Edward and Alphonse Elric that they were beautiful ballerinas. (Which was quite ironic for Al, actually. He always HAD wanted to learn to dance…)

It was hard to believe there was any way out of this precarious situation; however when yet another blinding light filled the room it filled the hearts of slaves, alchemists, and weirdos from the future alike with hope. That is, except Adnamia and Soums. They're pessimists. Once everyone had regained their vision, a lone figure stood in the middle of the room: Colonel Roy Mustang. He had an adorably confused look on his face.

"What just happened?" Mustang asked looking around the room filled with so many oddities. When his gaze fell upon Ed and Al, who were in the middle of a graceful dance from "The Nutcracker," he doubled over laughing.

Ed, who was thoroughly angered at the fact the he was in the middle of a graceful dance from "The Nutcracker," glared and him and shouted, "SHUT UP IT'S NOT FUNNY!" At which Mustang replied between fits of laughter, "It's pretty funny from where I'm standing!"

In an act of pure rage, Ed spun over in a perfect pirouette and kicked Roy in an unmentionable place. Al, who was a lot more submerged in the genjutsu said in a high-pitched voice, "Edwina, if we don't put on a good performance, Madame Rosima will surely beat us!"

(A/N Ok, so I have this friend who takes ballet, right? Well she has a really mean teacher who threatens her students and so I thought in my twisted mind, "Why can't Ed and Al have a teacher JUST LIKE HERS?")

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME EDWINA!" Ed shouted at his brother while prancing about and twirling. Poor Roy was still recovering from the sudden blow to …erm… an unspeakable location. While all this was still going on in her throne room, Nari was intently speaking to the bagged genius, Soums.

"Oh, well of course!" Nari answered Soums's question, which had been drowned out by a sudden noise that sounded exactly like a short person wrestling a suit of armor. (Don't tell Ed I said that!) After remounting her throne, Nari said, "I will now introduce you all to my king!" However, the ballerina/alchemists were still too busy tumbling on the ground and Roy was too busy writhing in agony to hear her. She just went on as if they had acknowledged her announcement. "So here he is!"

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Oh dear, that was too short, wasn't it? Oh well! Thx to everyone who reviewed!

Sara: Aren't you forgetting something? OR SOMEONE?

Oh yeah! Guys, meet Sara! She's my best friend and she wants to help with the story too!

Sara: Oops! Gotta go! Time for WWE!

She REALLY likes wrestling. She knows ALL the WWE superstars by heart. (If anyone is out there and knows them, who are they exactly?)

Sara: Oh and David is here again. Don't forget that.

David: Yeah, but only in spirit. TT California is nice, though.

Ok, we better stop before this author's note gets too long.

Sara: Why? No one ever reads them.

David: Some people do!

Sara: Oh yeah? BODY SLAM!

David: MY… BACK….!

Heh, well in the words of David, "We are SOOOOO outta here!" See ya next time!

(Ahem, please accept my sincerest apologies for my insane writing posse. ENJOY THIS PICTURE OF MY CAT CHARLIE! –holds up picture of my cute kitty—SUBMIT TO HIS CUTE KITTINESS BY REVIEWING! MUAHAHAHA!)


	27. tinystumpwhichshouldn'tbeachapter TT

So sorry! Almost a week late… but here's my excu—I mean… explanation.

1) Over last weekend I was off being Cinderella's evil Stepmother for our school's production of into the woods.

2) Monday my teachers thought it would be fun to SWAMP us with homework.

3) Tuesday I was totally addicted to beating Ratchet: Deadlocked (again…)

4) Today I broke my right arm. Or pretty damn close (yes, I always swear when in pain. Does the rating hafta go up for that?) Now I can't move it without screaming, and since I usually type with two hands I'm super slow. Sorry if I'm edgy!

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Ahem,… so nari basically (A/N It's hard to type caps with one hand, so I'm going to let my comp correct it or just not fix it at all.) was about to summon her king, who we all know, even though I left a cliffie, that it's Itachi. Lemme just skip to the part where adnamia and soums are formulating a plan of escape…

"what the heck did you do that for?" Adnamia chastised her older brother from within her sack, "now we have another nutcase to deal with!"

Soums just smiled (even though Adnamia couldn't see it) and replied calmly," I have a reason for everything I do. This was to determine whether this form of the past had warp generator technology. The only way her "king" could have gotten here so fast is the manipulation of quantum mechanics in a way that would bypass the laws of space and time!"

"either that or he was just here already…" Adnamia growled. For a moment, her brother was dumbstruck by his own ignorance of this concept, but he quickly made up for it. "Well, if my theory is true, we just might have the perfect way to escape…" In whispers only the three siblings in the corner could hear, the self-taught genius explained their treacherous course of action…

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Omg im so sorry for how short that was! Its just that my left hand is getting really tired… SORRY AGAIN! I promise next chappie will be longer! I'm still trying to get someone from my insane writing posse to fill in for me…

Sara, CP, and David: IN A MINUTE! (T-T they're too busy watching American Idol w/o me!)

Wait for me guys! (ow!)


	28. The Plan is Set in Motion

I'm baaaaaack! Im typing this on Friday, but I'm probably gonna submit Saturday cuz I type SO DAMN SLOW CUZ OF THIS FREAKIN ARM! Doc (who I think was on pot at the time) said my arm wasn't broken, just badly bruised. I don't care what he said, cuz it STILL HURTS LIKE HELL REINCARNATED INTO MY ELBOW.

CP: Please excuse her, she's rather testy at the moment…

Anyhoo… (regains composure) since no one from my freakin writing posse will type this chappie for me, im afraid this one will also be rather short… Sorry!

David: Before the chapter begins, here are ISAS's TOP SEVEN WAYS TO COPE WITH A BROKEN/Bruised ARM: (they're not in order by the way)

1) Bust out the Ben and Jerry's. HELL YA! (Phish Food rox)

2) Watch every single anime dvd in your collection (YAY FMA AND NARUTO!)

3) Watch all tapes of House, M.D. in order

4) Daydream about how jealous your classmates are cuz u got the day off over a bruised bone.

5) Try not to think about putting on a T-shirt with only one arm. Very painful, not to be repeated any time soon.

6) Try not to think about being unable to play video games because every time you move our finger you must resist the urge to scream, "OMFG OW!"

7) When your brothers get home from school, rub it in their face that you got to stay home and eat Ben and Jerry's and watch TV all day (minus a trip to the Doctor.)

BONUS #8) SWEAR A HELL OF A LOT

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Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, Naruto, House, M.D., or to my deep sorrow, Ben and Jerry's. I own nothing except for my OC's, Nari, and THIS FREKIN ELBOW!

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Heh, and of course it just had to be my RIGHT arm, the one I frickin WRITE with but… oh… wait… the author's note is over, isn't it? Whoops. My bad.

Ok, so Adnamia, Soums, and Leonid were discussing how to take Nari down and save the world thanks to Soums's big brain and Adnamia's speed and Leonid's ability to sit there and look innocent and cute. "All right," the eldest of the three began, "I'll distract Nari by requesting her slave to do something stupid, while Adnamia grabs the mirror and puts the offensive strategy into action. Then Leo (As he is affectionately referred to) will sneak around back, remove his sack, and search for the warp generator, ok?" His siblings acknowledged him with a nod and got in position.

"Oh Great One!" Soums called to Nari, who was talking about toothpicks and peanut butter to her king, Itachi. (Y'all NEVER would have guessed THAT now could ya?) She turned her attention to the sacked man and replied, "Yes sacked man whom I am now turning my attention to?" He continued, "I was wondering if you could get your slave guy to do the Macarena and moonwalk at the same time."

Nari gave a malicious grin to the now bewildered Kakashi. "You don't really expect me to—" The famed copy-nin began. However, he was interrupted by Nari's shriek of, "NOOOOW!" If the world weren't in such a bad state that practically all the windows were already broken, they would have shattered at the ear-splitting screech.

And so our beloved Kakashi proceeded to do what looked like a cross between a dying animal twitching and a weird new-age disco while trying to defy gravity. It was a sight to behold for girls and boys of all ages… that is, if they were bent on being scarred for life. Anyway, phase two of the freakish future-ites began.

Ed and Al were still suffering from the jounin's genjutsu, and Adnamia's orders were to shock them out of it so they could be of some use. At first, she tried slapping Ed on the face. Nothing; he just kept on dancing. She tried kicking him the shin. He gracefully leapt into Al's waiting arms before her foot made contact. Frustrated, Adnamia finally shouted, "WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO SHOCK A STUPID SHRIMP OUT OF HYPNOTISM!" For some reason, no one else in the room heard her outburst. Apparently, though, her luck ended there. The "shrimp" in question had just busted out of his brother's grasp and yelled, "WHO JUST CALLED ME SO SMALL THAT THEY COULD FILL ME WITH HELIUM AND PASS ME OFF FOR A SINGLE-CELL MICRO-ORGANISM FLOATING IN THE AIR?" With a blank look on Adnamia's face, she pointed to Nari, who was now staring at everyone's favorite pint-sized (and now pissed off) alchemist…

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Sara: oooooh… Ed's gonna get the whuppin' on Nari now! (gobbles popcorn)

CP: Is there any way we can sell tickets to the event? I mean, this is like… the moment all of these readers have been waiting for!

Sara, yes. Patty Cake, no sellin tickets for events that don't exist.

CP: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

…Patty Cake?

CP: RAAAAAAAAAAAWRG!

(Chase commences involving Pat throwing me death threats whilst I say, "Hey! You can't hurt someone with a bruised elbow!...OW)

David: Erm… Seeing as I'm the only sane person here now, how about reviews?

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Scorpion-demon—Thanks for the sympathy. Broken bones ARE HELL. I just wish I could type for longer periods of time with one hand, but NOOOO. My hand gets TIRED…Stupid hand… :-) I feel better though that somebody acknowledges THE POOR IGNORED MIDDLE CHILD, as I am sometimes referred to.

Shaman-addict—(I'm not sure when you'll get this, seeing as you reviewed for my fifth chappie) Yup, Kakashi's forehead protector covers his left eye. Cuz when you look at his face either drawn or on TV, it's on the right side but it's reversed so it's his left. Sigh.. he's so dreamy…

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Note: this chappie took precisely 2 hours and 17 minutes to type, and only about 2-3 minutes to read. I HATE TYPING SO SLOW!


	29. The Return of General Normalcy

Nogga nogga bit bam shizzle! I'm baaaaaack.

Sara: Ignore her, she's still recovering from an all-night gaming spree.

You got that right, buddy! I stayed up ALL NIGHT playing Fullmetal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir. OMG IT'S SO MUCH FUN! AND DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET PAST THAT BIG UGLY TAR-LIKE TURTLE/BUG THING IN BORD'WAN CEMETERY? CUZ THAT THING IS SO FREAKIN STUPID!

CP: In other news, I have a new story up! It's called Kirby versus The Shadow! If you want to check it out, just visit my profile! Me! Captainpeanuts1 ! WAHAHAHAHA!

O.O

Uh… Ok then…

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If looks could kill… no wait, please allow me to rephrase that. If looks could run at someone, put them in a headlock, snap their neck, beat them to a pulp, tie a weight to their ankle and sink them at sea, then come back a week later and retrieve the body to cut off its head and mount it above a fireplace…. Erm… you get the point… that's exactly what would happen to Nari now that a certain blond, shrimpy alchemist was glaring at her.

"GREAT NOW THE NARRATOR IS INSULTING ME TOO? YOU WANT SOME OF THIS LADY?" Edward Elric screamed at the heavenly deity known as me.

"What? Me? Insult you? No, no, no, you have me all wrong!" ISAS said sarcastically. However, Ed was too busy running at the Grand High Nuisance to notice my witty remark. Nari, who was talking to her king at the time, turned to see a very angry short person charging at her.

Kakashi simply looked on with amusement, though the source was rather disturbing. Ed had somehow been able to throw Nari in the air give, Itachi a black eye, and throw a roundhouse kick to Soums's head before Nari's other slaves seized him.

Even as they attempted to drag him away, Ed continued to rain curses such as, "I'm gonna beat you so bad you'll wish I beat you half a century ago just so you could get over the pain! (A/N That was the exact same thing I said before I proceeded to kick my brother's butt at Ratchet Deadlocked yesterday. -)

Luckily for Leonid, who was creeping through the doorway, everyone was too busy getting over Ed's wittle temper tantwum to notice the lack of his presence. He found to his dismay that the rest of Nari's castle was more confusing than her mind. (And we all know that Nari's mind is a concept that the world's greatest minds have struggled to comprehend.)

The young boy opened the first door he came to, but was very sorry soon afterward. He had come across Nari's bedroom…

Meanwhile…

Adnamia, having successfully distracted Nari and Itachi, pulled Kakashi (who yelped… wait… I just can't picture him yelping can you?) into the shadows. "Listen up spiky-head," she started, even the beginning of her request an insult, "If you wanna bust out of this joint as much as the rest of us, I suggest you pay close attention." Speechless, the silver-haired man nodded.

Meanwhile Meanwhile…

Though Nari's slaves were strong, Ed's hatred of all who called him the "s" word ( or any implied form of the "s" word, for that matter) was stronger. In almost no time he released himself from their grasp and was once again heading for her.

Back to Our Poor Little Hero…

Oblivious to the many happenings in the throne room, Leonid methodically searched Nari's room for the warp generator. He had a rather unpleasant experience in the royal closet, which involved coming across a few things 11-year-old boys don't see every day. Finally, close to giving up, he poked his head under the large four-poster bed. And guess what? There, in all its glory, was a shiny, brand new, WARP GENERATOR. Smiling broadly at the metallic contraption, he pressed a button and an all-too-familiar blinding flash engulfed the castle.

When the sun rose again on the peaceful village of Konoha, all would be returned to its rightful place, except for a stray person from the future here and there. In retrospect, it may not have been a very good idea for Sakura to run at Sasuke, knock him back in a hug, and ultimately slam into Adnamia. The conversation that took place afterward was rather heated, to say the very least… (A/N Watch out, Adnamia has a potty mouth)

The older girl yelled, "What the hell was that for you self-centered bastard!" Sasuke was not one to take a direct insult quietly, and therefore yelled in response, "Well maybe it wasn't my fault, ever thought of that you insolent know-it-all."

"If I didn't know it all," she relied coldly, "then I wouldn't have been able to save your sorry ass from that wacked-out nutjob."

The confrontation ended abruptly when Adnamia was dragged away by her brothers to find a certain mineral that would enable them to manipulate the time-stream at will… (hint-for-my-next-story-hint-hint-hint)

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Well, that was pretty random all in all.

CP: …No it wasn't…

Oh well excuse me Mr. Uh…um… Mr…. PERSON!

Anywayz, so I'm considering starting the grand finale in the next few chapters and wrapping it up sometime June. After that I plan on posting some one-shots for a while until I can tie up the loose ends in sewing together the plots of my original story and Naruto.

Sara: ISAS, you think ahead too much. You should stick to the present for once. I mean, live every minute like it's your last. Stay in perpetual motion. That kinda thing.

Also, I just think you guys should know this was sort of an experiment to see if my OC's were too sue-ish. ANY SUGGESTIONS OR COMMENTS WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED!


	30. Grand Finale Part 1: I'M CUTE!

Hi, all. I've been watching Fullmetal DVD's all weekend long to celebrate Memorial Day (don't ask what kind of twisted logic I used to rationalize that) and therefore pushed all my homework to today, which is why this chappie is just a BIT late. Oh well.

CP: Anyone who has not visited my story is a FOOL.! BOW DOWN TO KIRBY AND HIS PUFFY PINK CUTENESS!

Uh… ANYWAYZ… Just so you guys know, this will be the first chappie in my Grand Finale. (No worries, there's gonna be a lot of them) And lastly, but not leastly, I'd like to answer a couple reviews!

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I Don't Bite (etc)—Thanks for the feedback! CP says I'm not funny but HA! This is PROOF that I am!

SHiNiGAMiLENNE— There's no such thing as a late review ;-)

Scorpion-Demon—Thanks for the suggestion, I'm definitely going to use it . Yeah, Being grounded SUX. Hope you're not by the time you read this!

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In the Forests Surrounding Konoha…

"…Soums…" Adnamia growled at her brother, "What do you mean we didn't warp through time?" The three were sitting on a log, soaking wet due to the constant downpour. It had been raining ever since that morning and None of them were very tolerant.

The genius gave her a saddened smile and replied, "Well, between the large amount of energy it took to get everything back to normal and all the failed attempts in New Zealand, it appears we only had enough power to manipulate the laws of space and movement." Adnamia and Leonid looked at him blankly. Soums coughed and said, "In other words, the battery ran out."

Meanwhile, off in some mountain somewhere…

Iruka was chatting happily with his fellow (not to mention female) chunin about his award-winning muffin recipe when a messenger ran up to them and panted, "The other squads have neutralized the threat...heh huh…and-- heh huh—they are departing immediately for the village." Iruka jumped up from where he was sitting and said in a rather annoyed manner, "I wish they could have given us a bit more notice before ordering us to pack up." He began to gather his belongings in to his pack while mumbling, "Oh well. At least I'll be seeing my sister pretty soon…" His teammates followed suit and started to clean up. It had been a rather hard few days of hiding out in a cave, trying to stay invisible to enemies. Iruka hadn't had a good meal in a few days and he was pretty out of it.

Unnoticed, the messenger walked out of the cave dwelling and into started fleeing through the trees. Through a small transmitter a dry, cruel voice said, "Did you accomplish you mission?" The messenger simply smirked and replied, "All is well, master. Phase two of your brilliant plan has been set in motion." If one had listened to what the man's "master" said after that, they probably would have sworn it was the voice of a snake hissing, _"Exxxxxxxccccellent…"_

With a certain crazy teenager and a certain short teenager…

"Well, if you have NOWHERE else to stay…" Nari said sweetly to Alphonse (She refused to speak to Ed after he stepped on her soap carving of a highlighter), "I suppose you could stay at Iruka apartment with me…"

"No, that's okay," Al said, trying to refuse in the most polite way possible, "We wouldn't want to trouble you."

Nari snorted with laughter, "HA! It wouldn't be any trouble. Besides, I think you're CUTE."

Ed apparently decided to stop pouting and take part in the conversation. "Didn't you hear Al?" he said, "Al said… wait… what did you say about him?" The teeny teen asked with a very puzzled look on his face.

"Didn'tcha HEAR ME?" Nari shouted, "ARE YOU ALL GOING DEAF! I SAID THAT AL IS CUTE!" People walking by the strange trio stopped in their tracks and stared at them with big round eyes that said, "WTF?"

WITH ITACHI…

Itachi: GAH! MY HEART! (clutches chest and collapses)

Kisame: …Dude… That was WEIRD…

NOT WITH ITACHI…

Al shivered for a few moments, and then erupted with joy, "THAT'S THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE'S EVER CALLED ME CUTE SINCE I BECAME A SUIT OF ARMOR!" (A/N Lolz, I got that from the part where Ed and Al meet Major Armstrong and Al's all like, OMG that's the first time anyone's ever gave me a pat on the head since I became a suit of armor!)

A few people in the newly formed crowd twitched, while others ran to the phone to dial for an insane asylum to come pick up a few new inmates. Still other fainted on the spot by the sheer weirdness of the scene. However, Nari, Ed, and Al were long gone by the time any of this happened: Al had scooped the other two up and ran off saying, "She said I'm CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!" while trying to fly.

(A/N Yet another reference, this time to that Rudolf the Red-nosed reindeer movie-thing they play every year on ABC.)

In an unknown underground cavern…

"Masters," the messenger said, entering the hideout, "May I shed this ridiculous disguise?" Two large business swivel chairs faced away from the entrance concealing the identities of those seated in them. "Proceed…" A female voice said in an exasperated fashion, "It's not as if it really matters anymore."

The messenger was hidden in cloud of smoke for a moment; and once it cleared, it revealed him as none other than Tosame, bodyguard and caretaker of Nari. "What do you mean 'doesn't matter anymore?' " The young man asked with surprise.

"Simple," the unknown woman said with a mocking cruelty in her tone, "You, darling, are no longer of any use to us…"

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I kinda went back and forth from serious to silly in this chappie. It's probably going to be like that all throughout the Finale. That is, unless someone really really has a problem with it.

Sara: (raises finger and inhales as if about to lecture me)

EXCEPT SARA.

Sara: (looks down with dissapointment) Dang…


	31. Grand Finale Part 2: Evil Strikes a Deal

Yay! It's crazy ISAS writing hour! Or however long it takes you to read this… Uh, Anyway, I just have a few things to say before I begin this chappie…

David: Beware a few angst-soaked parts, which she came up with during her great chocolate depression—

Sara: Which lasted five minutes…

David: AND she also apologizes for any mental problems you may experience during the last few chapters of her story.

CP: Gawd, ISAS you're lazy today, makin' all your insane writing posse members do all the talking.

Shet up.

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(A/N K, peoples! I know I'm late with this one, but as stated by Sara, I was suffering a period of time where THERE WAS NO CHOCOLATE IN MY HOUSE. ANYWHERE. T.T the memory itself still brings tears to my eyes.)

"Please remind me again why I haven't killed myself yet." Adnamia growled gruffly, wet hair plastered to her face and shoulders. Soums looked on without amusement, for he too was soaked the bone from the rain. One would think that the dense trees would offer at least SOME protection from the storm, but it was coming down so strong it had worn down the canvas of leaves. Leonid didn't answer his sister either, due to exhaustion. Their trek through the forest was not going as planned. In fact, it wasn't planned at all, but that's not relevant at the moment.

Knees sinking into the muddy earth, Leonid finally collapsed. His siblings joined him, not caring about the squishy muck enveloping their bodies. "Are we there yet?" the youngest asked breathlessly.

"If we were…" Soums replied irritably, "Would we still be in this fix?" However, before the conversation could progress any further, a cloaked man walked into the clearing.

Adnamia raised an eyebrow. "What do YOU want mister?" she inquired without the least bit of warmth in her tone. A cool voice replied, "Well, you youngsters seem to be all alone in these woods, and seeing as it's getting dark I wondered if you needed lodging. This night is not fit for man, beast, nor anything else for that matter." Her eyes widened, not at the man's offer, but at the darkness that had suddenly come over the woods. _"Has it really been that long since we started?"_ Adnamia thought, stunned at how quickly the time had passed.

Since no one else seemed to be speaking up, Soums responded politely, "That would be quite nice, actually." He carefully got up from the mush, attempting, to brush himself off in the process. He added, "As long as it doesn't cause you any trouble." The rain had already begun streaking mud across his forehead in such a way that he began to look as if he had an open wound on his head and it was trickling blood. (A/N ok, maybe a bit TOO vivid of a description -.-')

"Trouble?" the strange man chortled with a hint of darkness, "Why it would be a favor to me. I haven't had visitors in quite a while." Smiling with triumph, the trio set off with the mysterious man to his cabin, unaware that as soon as they turned their backs on the clearing, sunlight danced through the leaves. Genjutsu.

Meanwhile, at Iruka's Apartment…

"Ugh," Edward commented as he entered the kitchen, "What IS this stuff?" After days of being left unattended, the cheese, which had once been soft and gooey, had hardened into a shiny, thick plaster.

"Oh, nothing, NEW SPECIAL FRIEND," Nari said with her trademark maniacal grin, "Just a slight set-back in scientific development." Ed raised an eyebrow, but said no more about the matter. Alphonse had to crouch down to get through the door, so he awaited his brother and their insane host in the living room. /the shattered remains of a glass vase remained undisturbed as well next to the couch where the three had situated themselves for the time being.

(A/N Cookies to the people who remember what the vase is from XD)

Deciding to spark conversation, Al asked, "Brother, how are we going to get home? Ms. Nari pulled us from our dimension to this one."

In order to avoid bringing up the fact that he had no idea how to return to their universe, Ed said, "You know, that reminds me. What happened to Colonel Mustang after the flash?"

With Colonel Mustang…

"A little lower… no higher… ahhhh that's what I'm talkin' about!" Roy sighed with ecstasy on a sandy beach in Hawaii, a beautiful woman giving him a massage.

Back to Our Shor—I MEAN… SURE friend!

With a light-hearted burst of optimism, Al exclaimed, "Well, whatever happens, I'm sure we'll find our way back eventually!" Oh how oblivious they were to the coming danger that would soon engulf Konoha, causing nowhere to be safe.

In Orochimaru's Secret lair…

A woman laughed evilly, her shadow projected onto a wall on which were spatterings of fresh blood. "It's been so long since I have experienced the joy of killing," she said, her voice smooth yet cruel, "And to think that so very soon I shall commit the act again…"

Her thoughts trailed off in dreamy splendor, but she was soon brought back to reality by Orochimaru nagging, "You had better not forget MY side of the deal, Dezzira. I give you the brats, and you give me infinite power."

"Of course," Dezzira replied, running her fingers through her raven hair with long, pale fingers. "You will gain your reward soon enough, my friend." She batted her heavily made-up eyelashes with a sort of girlish mischief, even though the blood drying on her palms removed any innocence from her image. "Tainted beauty" she liked to call it, and in a way she was correct. Though her face was lovely, her crushing strength was another matter entirely.

"Now where were we with those conditions?" Dezzira asked playfully, "Oh yes, I remember…" All frivolity had drained from her demeanor as she shouted, "BRING ME THOSE CHILDREN AT ONCE!"

Slightly shaken by the woman's raw fury, Orochimaru calmly responded, "There is no need to be so impatient. The night is young. I will have them within my grasp before daybreak."

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Sorry about the lack of humor, guys, but I needed to progress the plot a bit more.

CP: What plot?

Sara: Duh, stupid! The one she just made up!

Uh, HELLO? MY author's note thank you very much,

David: You're Welcome!


	32. Grand Finale Part 3: Ed's Sleeping Bag

Reviews shall be answered later…

I'm going to focus a bit on Iruka and his past, so if you don't like it… DEAL WITH IT X)

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The freezing rain stung as it plummeted from the sky to the back of Iruka's neck; and yet somehow his team endured. It was midday and the clouds allowed only fractions of sunlight filter through their presence. Iruka and the rest of his squad had to go slower that usual seeing as the tree branches were slippery from the downpour, making for an extra long and eventless journey.

One of the men from his squad talked to his companion about his family. "I just can't wait to get home and see my daughter's smiling face. She's turning six pretty soon."

Iruka felt a pang of loneliness resound through his body, already trembling slightly from the cold. His thoughts turned to his younger sister, always enthusiastic and optimistic…even if it defied all logic.

Maybe it was the fact that the freezing rain reminded him of that faithful day, or the fact that he missed his sister. Maybe it was just plain old fatigue taking a number on his mental control. But for whatever reason, Images of the day his sister went away came rushing back to him.

_Rain was pittering its solemn song on the rooftops of Konoha when three figures in dark raincoats, one smaller than the other two made their way across the village to the southern gate. One of the taller figures clutched a bundle of linen close to them, as if afraid the rain would wash it from their arms. When the gate finally loomed tall above their heads, two people, a man and a woman, dressed in clothes not uncommon to the farmers of the area, exchanged a few words with the three, and then exited through the gate to a small caravan beyond. Fading into the forests of Konoha were the shrieks of an infant, no more than three weeks old._

Reality came rushing back to Iruka like caffeine through the veins of a writer who stayed up too late and drank a glass of Pepsi to wake herself up.

(Sara: I'm not going to name any names, uhhh… --CoughISAScough--)

He felt another surge of loneliness, remembering the day his sister was sent off.

_Iruka, as an eleven-year-old boy and ninja in training, was always told not to eavesdrop by his parents. That is, unless of course, he is sent on a mission to gather intelligence. However, what he was doing now did not fall under the slim category in which he was allowed to spy._

_Through the doorway, he heard his mother crying and his father saying to console her, "It was the only way. If she stayed she probably wouldn't have lived." Instead of fulfilling its purpose, this only made Iruka's mother sob harder. Between muffled wails, he could hear her sniffling, "Curse this sickness! Curse it and may those who have been touched by it live their lives as they once did!" Iruka did not know this until long after, but she was quoting the Hokage's words from a speech that day; a speech that only adults were permitted to attend. _

He sighed, his squad's progression picking up pace. He knew his parents had made the only choice they could: While the epidemic swept the village, they had sent their newborn daughter to live with Iruka's aunt and uncle on their farm. What else could they have possibly done? Just about everyone Iruka knew had been affected by the terrible plague one way or another, whether it be through direct infection or through loss of a loved one. Iruka was just thankful that no one in his family had been diagnosed with it.

Meanwhile…

Adnamia, Soums, and Leonid followed closely behind the cloaked man, unaware that every step they took, the darkness evaporated from where their footfalls had last struck. It was not a characteristic of Adnamia's to look back over her shoulder constantly, but tonight it seemed as though that's just what she was itching to do. However, she kept her composure. Looking at the stranger she thought, _What is it about this guy that's got me so anxious._ Her eyebrow twitched. She never wanted to admit anxiety, even to herself.

Strangely enough, Leonid, walking alongside her, apparently felt the same feeling of nervousness as his sister. This is what compelled him to do something he hadn't done since he was six: he grabbed Adnamia's hand and leeched himself onto her arm, as if stuck with glue. Once again, her eyebrow twitched, but she made no other gesture that would signify a desire for him to, "Get the hell off me!" as she often called it.

This abnormal reaction from her only did more so to Leonid's sense of growing terror. _Something is definitely wrong here,_ they thought in unison.

With Nari, Ed, and Al…

Ed hated sleeping bags. He could sleep in any bed: a hotel bed, a bed infested with lice, ANY bed. Heck, he could sleep on the floor. There was just something about sleeping bags that made him feel, for whatever reason, vertically challenged. The fact that the particular one he was in at the moment was decorated with pink flowers, rainbows, and unicorns did not help his situation in the least.

Earlier, Nari had given him a big, navy, heavy-duty camping sleeping bag about ten feet too long for him. Noting this, she took out his current sleeping bag and said, "Whoops, you're two short. Here, try this one."

The events occurring after this comment was made have been removed due to violent content. These events are also the reason why they had cold ravioli for dinner. Nari, in her insane teenage mind, decided to file away an excuse for the stove, "It smashed itself up, Ed had nothing to do with it." I guess in her twisted mind, it probably sounded believable.

Back to the Terrific Trio…

"Adnamia!" Soums shouted at his sister, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? We WERE HOME FREE! WE HAD A DRY PLACE TO STAY THE NIGHT! HOW COULD YOU SCREW THIS UP?"

She looked nonchalantly at her screaming brother, watching as the cloaked man fled the scene clutching his now fractured arm. "DO YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS IS?" he continued to rage, "YOU JUST HAVE TO GO MAKING TROUBLE! NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME IN THE END! YOU EITHER MAKE THE PEOPLE FORCE US OUT OR YOU—"

"Shut up, will you. You're giving me a headache," Adnamia interrupted, her hand resting on her temple.

"No," Soums said in a quieter tone, "I will not shut up. You need to hear this." He gulped in a breath of air and then continued, "You can't just go around recklessly causing trouble. If people sense that disorder is amiss, there is tension. Too much tension causes people to act out. Acting out leads to chaos, which leads to innocent lives being taken. If I'm not mistaken you a know a certain innocent person who died because of this chain of—"

Once again Adnamia interrupted, though this time it was not to make a snide remark. She growled, "Never. Never speak of him like that. Not to me. Not to anyone. He doesn't deserve to be used as one of your little examples," her voice rose with anger, "One of your little examples of how people act. He's wasn't like any of them."

Soums, thoroughly angry himself, decided to tweak a nerve just because he could. To be mean. To attempt to show authority. He said calmly, "Adnamia, he's gone now. And since he is, you're going to have to accept something." He put a hand on her shoulder, "He was just like everyone else."

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Whoa. That had more drama than I had intended. But then again, as mentioned in a prior simile, I'm hyped up on caffeine. : )


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